Oh my f'kin sides...
Hi Kylian, my names Ole and I don't know the Fcuk how I've not been rumbled yet!
Never mind that though , Eddy 2 planks has just signed up the biggest widget manufacturer in Asia and we've made PSG an offer they can't refuse hence your here.
What do you think of the stadium then?
Oh the leaking roof, yeah, only happens when it rains..
Never mind that, let me introduce you to your new potential strike partners..
This is Mason Greenwood, then there's Rashy, you know Martial from France right? He scored for us once.
What's that Kylian, who supplies the forwards from midfield, well there's Mctommmminnny, Piranha and Fred not forgetting Static and the Dabber when he can be arsed which is not too often to be honest.
What's that Kylian you thought our shirts were blue?
Where's Pep, Raheem, Sergio, Kevin, Eric, Rodri, David, bernardo?
Grab him don't let him leave, get the pisscan, the ticket tout and Mick Hucknall here quick to tell him about our history..
Ffs Kylian I scored in a final once!!
Don't go, don't go, PLEASE DON'T GO!!!