United thread 2020/21

[Trevor Morley's Tache]

I just wish I could find a rhyme for Maguire......

Liar?

 

[Vienna_70]

There once was a cart horse Maguire
Who everyone thought was a trier
He took a trip over to Greece
Where he had trouble with the police
And we found out he’s just a big liar

 

[Petetheblu]

Dismiss them at your peril.

Stop bringing drama to this thread...;^)

 

[Hayley Croppers chopper]

I was sitting out in the garden last week in the sun, and to pass the time I wondered idly if I could come up with the odd United limerick (i don't know why). I contrived the following:

There was a young fellow called Rooney
Who'll never read English at Uni.
He'd rather have fanny
(He likes the odd granny)
And often behaves like a loony

There was once a ginger called Scholes
Renowned for spectacular goals
But his tackling was wild
Univers'lly reviled
"What a cynical twat", said the polls

There was a young right-back called Neville
Slagged off by the fans like the devil
They called him a scrote
For feeding The Goat
- a gaffe of most infantile level

A manager known here as Ole
Had an expensive new goalie
Who ain't no great shakes
Cos he still makes mistakes
And United's achievements are lowly

An old Danish keeper called Schmeichel
Had a bad crash on his cycle
The doctor said "Peter,
You'll need a cath-eter".
He said "Doctor, you're taking the ....Michael"

Not great poetry, I admit. Just admire the mastery of rhyme, metre and scansion. I defy anyone to do better.
I just wish I could find a rhyme for Maguire......

Rag Liar

 

[johnevans]

I was sitting out in the garden last week in the sun, and to pass the time I wondered idly if I could come up with the odd United limerick (i don't know why). I contrived the following:

There was a young fellow called Rooney
Who'll never read English at Uni.
He'd rather have fanny
(He likes the odd granny)
And often behaves like a loony

There was once a ginger called Scholes
Renowned for spectacular goals
But his tackling was wild
Univers'lly reviled
"What a cynical twat", said the polls

There was a young right-back called Neville
Slagged off by the fans like the devil
They called him a scrote
For feeding The Goat
- a gaffe of most infantile level

A manager known here as Ole
Had an expensive new goalie
Who ain't no great shakes
Cos he still makes mistakes
And United's achievements are lowly

An old Danish keeper called Schmeichel
Had a bad crash on his cycle
The doctor said "Peter,
You'll need a cath-eter".
He said "Doctor, you're taking the ....Michael"

Not great poetry, I admit. Just admire the mastery of rhyme, metre and scansion. I defy anyone to do better.
I just wish I could find a rhyme for Maguire......

Are these perchance the missing poems of Edward Lear which (so my news feed informed yesterday) were discovered by a Nottingham Ph.D student researching documents at the British Library?

Great finds, if so?! I was also hoping for some final proof that Lear also gave the world magnificent verse such as 'There was a young man from Leeds/ Who swallowed a packet of seeds..' and 'There was a young woman from Norway/ Who hung by her toes from a doorway..' Don't suppose you came across these?

They don't write 'em like that any more..

 

[Big Swifty]

Yes, I expect it was Lear, who also wrote\;

There was a young student from trinity
Who shattered his sister's virginity
He buggered his brother
Had twins by his mother
But still got a First in Divinity

 

[johnevans]

Yes, I expect it was Lear, who also wrote\;

There was a young student from trinity
Who shattered his sister's virginity
He buggered his brother
Had twins by his mother
But still got a First in Divinity

I hope that should the respective oeuvres of Lear and your good self be anthologised in one combined volume, room will be found for Old Eddie’s illuminating tale of the ‘Lesbian lass from Khartoum/ Who invited a gay chap to her room..’

 

[Bollington Blue]

There is a lad named Maguire
Who was said to be the best of 'em
When he signed for the rags
Turns out he was shit
Just like the fucking rest of ''em

 

[big gaz]

There once was a cart horse Maguire
Who everyone thought was a trier
He took a trip over to Greece
Where he had trouble with the police
And we found out he’s just a big liar

You are John Cooper Clarke and I claim my £5-00 :-) You've cut back on the swearing John me old mucker.

 

[crazyg]

I was sitting out in the garden last week in the sun, and to pass the time I wondered idly if I could come up with the odd United limerick (i don't know why). I contrived the following:

There was a young fellow called Rooney
Who'll never read English at Uni.
He'd rather have fanny
(He likes the odd granny)
And often behaves like a loony

There was once a ginger called Scholes
Renowned for spectacular goals
But his tackling was wild
Univers'lly reviled
"What a cynical twat", said the polls

There was a young right-back called Neville
Slagged off by the fans like the devil
They called him a scrote
For feeding The Goat
- a gaffe of most infantile level

A manager known here as Ole
Had an expensive new goalie
Who ain't no great shakes
Cos he still makes mistakes
And United's achievements are lowly

An old Danish keeper called Schmeichel
Had a bad crash on his cycle
The doctor said "Peter,
You'll need a cath-eter".
He said "Doctor, you're taking the ....Michael"

Not great poetry, I admit. Just admire the mastery of rhyme, metre and scansion. I defy anyone to do better.
I just wish I could find a rhyme for Maguire......

You should be Bard.