Viz

Hmmm. Now you mention it, he does sound a bit Sweyn-ish

From Wiki:
Raffles, the Gentleman Thug is a comic strip featured in the British publication Viz, the central character of which is a 19th-century nobleman given to 'immense erudition and wanton violence'. Raffles inhabits the formal world of the Victorian gentleman, but behaves as a 21st-century hooligan, though he always maintains his elegant style. The comic strip parodies British yob culture, placing Raffles in anachronistic modern situations which he usually employs extreme violence to resolve.
Raffles is always accompanied by his loyal friend Bunny and has other acquaintances such as 'Dave, 6th Earl of Bermondsey' (a notorious section of South East London) and Clarence, 3rd Earl of Burberry (a reference to Burberry, stereotypically the fashion brand of choice for Britain's 'chavs').
Raffles' character is inspired by E. W. Hornung's Raffles the Thief.

Language
The Raffles strip is noted for its substitution of formal language in common slang phrases. For example:
▪ 'Kick the little bastard' becomes 'Lapidate the little illegitimate'
▪ 'Tits oot for the lads' (tag line of Viz character Sid the Sexist ) becomes 'Remove your decollétage from its corsetry for the delectation of the gentlemen present'
▪ 'Fanny magnet' (when describing his new car) becomes 'Vaginal lodestone'
▪ 'You big girl's blouse' becomes 'You sizable ladies chemise'

Historical references
Raffles has found himself in many situations featuring famous characters and events from the 19th century and early 20th century:
▪ Playing cricket against the world famous W. G. Grace, cheating him and then beating him up in the toilets
▪ Knocking out the Elephant Man, Joseph Merrick during a visit to a fairground freak show after accusing him of "looking at his bird"
▪ Fighting in World War I, bullying war poet Rupert Brooke and acting like a football hooligan during the 1914 Christmas Truce
[edit]
Quotes
▪ (To King Edward VII) 'Is sir perchance passing by the infirmary on his way home? If so perhaps he'd like to stitch this fucker.'
▪ 'Is sir addressing me or is he masticating on a house brick? Because either way sir loses his fucking teeth.'
▪ (While assaulting the ambassador to Moldavia) 'Have you had enough? Have you had enough you fucking Moldavian bastard, your Excellency.'
▪ (Raffles' chalked graffiti) 'All Bow Street Runners are illegitimate'

29woh6x.jpg
 
Mrs Brady old Lady, Big Vern, Postman Plod and Roger Mellie were favourites of mine.

"Tom I've got a new idea for a new game show....it's called catch the snatch"

"what's it about Roger?"

"Well Tom, 10 fit birds standing on a platform will all drop their knickers, cut their pubic hair and the bloke has to catch it with his mouth"

"I'm not sure that one will get past the censors roger"
 
Lancet Fluke said:
I always liked Paul Whicker the Tall Vicar.

[bigimg]http://farm1.static.flickr.com/4/4149893_9d04c14b11.jpg[/bigimg]

Paul Whicker was soooo funny - remember his Fuck the Pope jumble sale??

I used to love the pathetic sharks. Not rude just made me chuckle - they were crap.
 
LongsightM13 said:
Sigh said:
Private Eye in one hand, Viz in the other.

The days.

*sigh*
Between them, those two are still pretty much the most honest and accurate journals, chronicles and portrayals of modern Britain around.

++++1

I moved to the States ten years ago and still maintain my subscription to these two upstanding organs. Add the BBC News website and the latest Half Man Half Biscuit album and you have a comprehensive insight into everything you need to know about the UK...
 
LongsightM13 said:
Sigh said:
Private Eye in one hand, Viz in the other.

The days.

*sigh*
Between them, those two are still pretty much the most honest and accurate journals, chronicles and portrayals of modern Britain around.
Aside from those already mentioned, there were Student Grant, a typical Oxford Road wanker in a stupid ethnic bongo hat; Millie Tant, the man-hating lesbian; Jellyhead, a girl in a persistent vegetative state who couldn't move but still somehow saved lives and foiled crimes; and The Brown Bottle, a chronic alcoholic superhero.
Two particular favourites were Major Misunderstanding, a retired military type who would go off a completely irrelevant rant to whatever innocent question he was asked.
And Raffles The Gentleman Thug, who instead of being an aristocratic cat burglar, used to go into pubs kicking off while using baroque Victorian language. So "You and whose army?" became "Might one enquire as to the stewardship of the forces you wish to assist you in this violent endeavour?". "Stitch that" became "Please implore matron to apply catgut sutures to your wound".
Hit and miss at times, but when Viz was good, it was absolute genius

Agreed, Raffles the Gentleman Thug was one of the best parodies ever. The same flowery Victorian prose was used in his, ''I trust you have a prediliction towards the provender furnished by the Municipal Infirmary?'' Followed by a house brick being rammed into the face of some pompous unfortunate.
Hysterical.
 
I can remember reading Viz for the first time in the late 80s.
Literally (not in a Jamie Rdknapp way) cried with laughter. Good shout for the Pathetic Sharks.
 
Ancient Citizen said:
LongsightM13 said:
Sigh said:
Private Eye in one hand, Viz in the other.

The days.

*sigh*
Between them, those two are still pretty much the most honest and accurate journals, chronicles and portrayals of modern Britain around.
Aside from those already mentioned, there were Student Grant, a typical Oxford Road wanker in a stupid ethnic bongo hat; Millie Tant, the man-hating lesbian; Jellyhead, a girl in a persistent vegetative state who couldn't move but still somehow saved lives and foiled crimes; and The Brown Bottle, a chronic alcoholic superhero.
Two particular favourites were Major Misunderstanding, a retired military type who would go off a completely irrelevant rant to whatever innocent question he was asked.
And Raffles The Gentleman Thug, who instead of being an aristocratic cat burglar, used to go into pubs kicking off while using baroque Victorian language. So "You and whose army?" became "Might one enquire as to the stewardship of the forces you wish to assist you in this violent endeavour?". "Stitch that" became "Please implore matron to apply catgut sutures to your wound".
Hit and miss at times, but when Viz was good, it was absolute genius

Agreed, Raffles the Gentleman Thug was one of the best parodies ever. The same flowery Victorian prose was used in his, ''I trust you have a prediliction towards the provender furnished by the Municipal Infirmary?'' Followed by a house brick being rammed into the face of some pompous unfortunate.
Hysterical.

"is your mother skilled in the feminine art of embroidery?" followed by a headbutt. "well get that **** stitched!"
 
Greatest Number of "she said"s

The greatest rate of "she said"s in a woman's conversation was achieved during the recounting of a report of a report of a rumour of a conversation overheard in a launderette about a local woman's daughter possibly becoming pregnant. On September 14th 1998, Irene Scholes of Widnes (GB) managed to include the phrase "she said" 1283 times in 1 min 27 sec, an average of 14.7 "she said"s per second. During one 8 second burst of the conversation, Mrs. Scholes sustained an incredible peak rate of 38.3Ss/s (she saids/sec)

-- Mon Aug 27, 2012 4:20 pm --

Most potatoest coloured skin

Nicholas Wilson of Largs, Lanarkshire (GB) holds the record as Britain's most translucent teenager. After devoting 5 years to reaching Level 30 of 'The Tomb Raider Chronicles' in his bedroom with the curtains drawn, Wilson's skin was assessed to have a pasteyness value of 8.7 on the Maris-Piper scale, aproximately four times as pale as Shane McGowan

-- Mon Aug 27, 2012 4:20 pm --

Beating the clock

Whilst attending an ecumenical conference on 18th November 1998, Father Arthur Linehan of Letterkenny (Republic of Ireland) switched on the TV in his room in the Travel Tavern, Liverpool. During the 10 minutes of free pornography before his screen went fuzzy, Fr. Linehan suceeded in masturbating to ejaculation 12 (twelve) times

-- Mon Aug 27, 2012 4:22 pm --

Stiffest sock

A Marks and Spencer's wool/nylon mix Argyle sock found under the bed of Nicholas Wilson of Largs, Lanarkshire (GB) exhibited a tensile strength of 6.3 gigapascals 9.17x105lb/in2, and a Knoop hardness value of 8412. Scientists at Edinburgh University estimate that Wilson's sock, slightly harder than a diamond has been masturbated into more than 11,000 times since its last wash<br /><br />-- Mon Aug 27, 2012 4:23 pm --<br /><br />Leicester:
Most viscous stool

The stickiest motion ever produced was a stool passed by driving instructor Eric Butcher of Leicester (GB). After being stuck in traffic for 5 hours in the hot summer of 1976 with nothing to eat but a 4lb box of dairy fudge and a bottle of cream soda, Mr Butcher went home to the toilet. The resultant excrement was so viscous that eight full rolls of standard Andrex toilet paper, approximately 1600 sheets, were needed before he attained an even vaguely acceptable level of anal cleanliness
 
A new series of Viz with Steve Coogan as the voice of Roger Mellie was on Channel 4 at 3 in the morning or something the other night
 

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