Weird and wonderful work colleagues

[The Pink Panther]

I used to work with someone similar, we called him "Black Cat".

If you said you'd just bought a black cat, he'd tell you he had a blacker one.

One of lads from engineering bought a new car once, which was a 2.0L something or other, and Black Cat immediately declared that he had the 2.4L Turbo on his drive at home but he didn't like to use it for work.

If you booked a holiday somewhere, guaranteed he'd already been there, and had stayed at the best hotel in town.

If you told him that you'd been to see a film at the cinema, he'd tell you that he went to the premiere in Leicester Square as guest of the director.

A right old bullshit machine.

He was a right twat, and we caught him out so many times, but he'd just stick to his guns no matter what.

I knew a guy like this, you can't ever beat them because they're fearless when it comes to making up incredibly unbelievable bullshit.

It's fucking great entertainment though TMQ. I worked with a bloke who hand built a land rover in his bedroom. Not a toy. A full sized long wheel base one.

A bloke I worked with. He was a sales agent and to be fair was earning a not unsubstantial amount of money, but he'd come out with some right old shite
At his golf club and he was asked to make up a foursome. It wasn't until he reached the 15th tee that he realised one of the guys playing was Hugh Grant

 

[crizack]

a lad i knew was the prince of Egypt for a few weeks.

 

[Big Tackle]

I knew a guy like this, you can't ever beat them because they're fearless when it comes to making up incredibly unbelievable bullshit.

It's fucking great entertainment though TMQ. I worked with a bloke who hand built a land rover in his bedroom. Not a toy. A full sized long wheel base one.

A bloke I worked with. He was a sales agent and to be fair was earning a not unsubstantial amount of money, but he'd come out with some right old shite
At his golf club and he was asked to make up a foursome. It wasn't until he reached the 15th tee that he realised one of the guys playing was Hugh Grant

We've got one of these as well. A few of his best are-
Got left £25,000 by a customer, seen a ghost while at work, his 16yr old stepdaughter's best mate offered him a shag and the constant theme is he see's naked women while at work all the time.
Some of the lads at work really get pissed off with it and don't speak to him anymore, me l just egg him on and wait for the bullshit to get bigger and bigger.

 

[kp789]

I like to think that maybe the work bullshitters are actually telling the truth and that Rod Stewart does in fact go to his Caravan and share a few cans of carling with the next door neighbour. Not sure I like the idea of someone letting his mates fly concorde though

 

[mick10]

We have the "Maori Princess" in our office. 18 stone Jonah Lomu lookalike. She spends most of the day coughing up phlegm and shouting obscenities at herself. They give her extra breaks so she can go outside to cough but she spends the time smoking more and being sick. She coughs that much she pisses on the office chairs thern grabs herself a new one. Sitting down is a bit like musical chairs with the added danger of Russian roulette. A true beauty.

Nooooooooooooo this can't be. Good grief.
There's a girl works in our office. She's wonderful. That's all.

 

[Rob MCFC]

Government agencies are usually a hotbed for strange folk. One Billy Liar we had Claimed Nani was his best mate and he had a picture taken with him and Anderson at OT, a city supporting mate and i pressed the subject and asked to see the picture. he obliged by showing us a picture of the teams coming out of the tunnel with his head in the foreground.

other mentions go to the person who could make himself fart and brought babywipes to work because it makes him cleaner when he wipes!

 

[The Flash]

brilliant thread, some cracking stories. I work with a born again Christian who's a complete and utter nut job, he's told us about people growing limbs in front of his eyes, people coming back to life after being prayed for after being dead for a whole week. He's told me he thinks he's working here for a reason and that he was sent to save someone and that someone is me. One day I came in with a bad back and he asked me if I'd like him to pray for me to make it better, I thought Fuck it it won't mate it any worse so said yes, I thought he was gunna walk off and pray but he immediately slipped his hand up my shirt and onto my back and started praying. He's harmless but a nutter all the same.

You work with Pauldominic?

 

[york away to this!]

brilliant thread, some cracking stories. I work with a born again Christian who's a complete and utter nut job, he's told us about people growing limbs in front of his eyes, people coming back to life after being prayed for after being dead for a whole week. He's told me he thinks he's working here for a reason and that he was sent to save someone and that someone is me. One day I came in with a bad back and he asked me if I'd like him to pray for me to make it better, I thought Fuck it it won't mate it any worse so said yes, I thought he was gunna walk off and pray but he immediately slipped his hand up my shirt and onto my back and started praying. He's harmless but a nutter all the same.

You work with Pauldominic?

..and there endeth today's lesson... I wonder if he rubbed a little "special prayer juice" up his back, decanted from the devil's hosepipe?

 

[Mark - TheBlue]

 

[ifwecouldjust......]

brilliant thread, some cracking stories. I work with a born again Christian who's a complete and utter nut job, he's told us about people growing limbs in front of his eyes, people coming back to life after being prayed for after being dead for a whole week. He's told me he thinks he's working here for a reason and that he was sent to save someone and that someone is me. One day I came in with a bad back and he asked me if I'd like him to pray for me to make it better, I thought Fuck it it won't mate it any worse so said yes, I thought he was gunna walk off and pray but he immediately slipped his hand up my shirt and onto my back and started praying. He's harmless but a nutter all the same.

And that concludes the statement for the defence M'lud...............