Worst thing you've ever said to a girl.

[stony]

Knowing all the fucking deviants that frequent off topic this could be a goer.


Was with a young lady one night and she kept asking me to bite her and then bite harder.
I asked her if she was into pain and she said yes. I said "if I'd have known that I'd have slammed your tit in the door on the way in"
A line pinched from a Jim Davidson album(it was that long ago)
It didn't get the same laughs Jim did.


Not the worst but I'm sure I'll remember some more.

 

[Dirty Harry]

When me and my Mrs first started going out, I said to her " one of the things I like about you is that you`re so low maintenance", I meant it in the nicest possible way obviously, my tip to any male out there, NEVER EVER say this to a woman because f*ck me did I pay for it :-).

 

[Damocles]

"My problem isn't that you're a fucking woman today, my problem is that you are a fucking woman who obviously isn't listening to the words that come out of your own mouth. I'll go and get a dictionary for you to look up some of the shit that you just said, so we can agree that I was right"

Apparently, I called her thick, but I didn't, I just said that should be more accurate with her speech.

 

[johnny on the spot]

While on a sports tour in Italy a few years back. Drunkenly passing a group of around 20 girls sat on a beach, stopping and pointing at the one lad and good naturedly asking 'Hi ladies, is this your token bloke? Lucky man, mate' (slapping him on the back).

Short-haired gay girl on a female rugby team.

I could have died there and started to vomit apologies at her until my gay team mate looked at her and went, 'Even with your taste in birds and my taste in men, there's no fucking way'.

 

[shootmeifipost10k]

I've said much worse but one that comes to mind.
While on holiday when in my early 20s I took back to my room what would be classed these days as a mid 40s MILF. I have to say in her defence and mine clothed she looked ok nice figure slim and 2 of everything she should have that looked in the right places,a good night it was I enjoyed it and I think so did she.

The next night bumped in to her bought a drink everything dandy but then it was a next pub there she was,then another and I knew were it was more than likely leading and with me having my eye on this lovely much younger model who I was chatting to around the pool that day I was worried it may scupper my chances much to my mates amusement.

The tasteless thing I said with a real deadpan look on my face and heard by my mates and hers when she asked what I was doing later was. If I had to wake up next to her in the morning again we'd have to get the travel iron out for all the creases she had. My mates thought it was quite funny,niether her or her mates thought the same.
Their last night thankfully.

 

[bluemoonmatt]

Will you marry me.

 

[Timmmmahhhh]

I think this is far from the worst I have ever said but one that springs to mind...

Sat in the pub one day with some mates, the bird and her mates, when I was discussing my new pair of football boots with my mate and some lads he plays football with, who I, nor my bird, had met before.

So there I am chatting away about my boots, Puma I think, she toddles over trying to be funny and quirk's "cos you have bought decent boots will they make you good?" to which I reply "if you bought a size 8 bikini would it make you slim?"

I was impressed with the quickness of my comeback, as were the lads I was talking to, Hayley on the other hand was not.

But she was right, I am still shit with the new boots!!

 

[The Fat el Hombre]

Was with a young lady one night and she kept asking me to bite her and then bite harder.
I asked her if she was into pain and she said yes. I said "if I'd have known that I'd have slammed your tit in the door on the way in"
A line pinched from a Jim Davidson album(it was that long ago)
It didn't get the same laughs Jim did.

Pinching lines from jim davidson? Deary me stony. What did you do next, serenade her with a phil collins number?

 

[Pigeonho]

'Alright petal, hows yer Jack and Danny?'

On the tube back in 99' after the Gillingham match, me and about 6 other lads were pissed, rowdy and in one hell of a fine mood. This petite little thing unfortunately for her, (or so we thought), had the displeasure of having to sit near us in our boozed up state. Me, being the daring youngster of the pack decided to break the ice a little.

'On a scale of 1 - 10, 1 being bald and 10 being hairy, how hairys your fanny?' That got the lads into fits of 'rofl' but didn't get much response from the wee lady. Not to be ignored I conjured up a masterpiece of a question and asked, 'do you spit or swallow?'.

'I fucking swallow every bastard time', was the almost offended it should even be an issue response! That got the lads from rofl to open jawed, eager for more! The ice was certainly broken! She joined in some City songs and it turns out she was a London student who was studying in Manchester. She was fucking awesome and admitted her response to the swallowing question was one to portray she was genuinely offended, not offended I asked, but offended that it would be deemed anything less than acceptable to swallow! Potentially that was the worst thing i've said to a girl to warrent a cuff round my ears, but it turns out it was actually the best thing I said!

 

[bluemonkey71]

Will you marry me.

Cracker! lol