Your most embarrassing experience

[billy_big_spuds]

Got a few.
Used to see a bird up near newcastle, and we alternated weekends on who's house we'd stay at. Both lived with our parents. Anyway, it was the weekend to stay at hers, so I drove up there and she text me on the way to say she'd gone straight out from work, and her dad would drop me off to meet her once I was changed. So I was on the piss from 7.30, after working all day, then a 2 hour drive, all after only 3 hours sleep and shitloads of booze the night before. Met her and a few mates, got pissed, then curry time. Went home leathered, got in the spare bed (parents were strict), and fast a bo bo's. Woke up early next morning in a massive puddle of arse piss. I'd slept in it all night and it had sept through to the mattress. Hanging. Anyway, thought it may be early enough to get it washed and shit before anyone was up, so I snuck out of the room and her parents room door was shut, buzzing, she was still in bed, buzzing. so I went back in, got the covers and sheet and waddled downstairs.
Her fucking parents sat in the front room. caught brown handed. That was by far the worst I'd ever felt.
Another embarrasing moment was drug induced. I'd been on the disco biscuits in town, and gone way over the top. Ended up back at an after party at some random gaff (which I still don't know who's it was, or how I got there). Anyway, I was the weirdo that nobody knew, and was too scared to approach. In the taxi on the way, I was tripping thinking I was playing the ps3, then at the house I went to the toilet, thought my friend who wasn't even there was in there, so I sat outside the bog on my own talking to nobody in the bog, but the really embarrasing bit was after the toilet I went back to the living area, and the next thing I knew, I had sat between this couple, and was rubbing both their legs at the same time, when I realised what I was doing I didn't know what to say to them haha

 

[blueunit]

When I was about 12 I was in my room having a wank over the bird on the A-Team (remember those halcyon days when anything would set you off?). However, my mum walked in and BA happened to be on the screen. It's an "end of the world" scenario being caught, never mind with the stimulant being Clubber Lang. Bad times.

PMSL - crazy fool

 

[Walshy]

I'd been being pestered by one of my Irish customers for about a week.

My office phone rang, and I had an idea it might be him calling again.

The switchboard bird always tells you who's on the phone and then put's the call through, so I picked up the receiver and said to the operator 'is it that fookin thick Paddy on line 2 again' only to hear an Irish voice say 'hello, hello, what ?'

Idiot had put the call straight through !

Also ....... when I was about 10 on holiday in Spain, I walked proudly out of the changing rooms by the pool, and all the way round to the far end. When my Dad saw me, he had a shocked expression, so I looked down to see one of my boy plumbs sticking out from the speedos.

 

[LittleStan]

OK, got three for you here, take your pick.

The year I finished my apprentice I had some overtime on Saturday morning, overslept and decided to phone the workshop directly instead of the office. I was in a rush so as soon as the phone was answered I started “Don’t tell Russ I have overslept, I am on my way in” only to hear the words “This is Russ”. He was my foreman.

Next and my favourite.

Had been in a meeting on Paris and I had a cough that would not go away. After the meeting we were all stood in a circle chatting, me, one other Brit, 2 Germans and 4 French. Not wanting to be rude I turned away to cough, only to let out a long ripping fart.
When I turned back there was silence and everybody was looking at me. I forget how long it was before somebody spoke, I know it was not me.

The last and most recent.

I was having a drink with a mate who had attempted suicide about 12 months ago. I asked how he had attempted to do himself.

He told me that he had planned to lay his head on a railway track and wait for the train but said he had got the timing wrong. I joked “ Did you have the wrong timetable”. “I had the winter one and it had changed the week before” he said.

Thing is, I could not stop sniggering.......feel quite ashamed about this on actually....

 

[GazM]

One of too many. Was at the opening of our new offices. After busting a gut all day shifting computer kit I thought I'd take advantage of the free hospitality. Thought I'd handled things reasonably well until it was time to go home. All I can remember was buying loads of chocolate bars (?!) before collapsing on a grass verge ... & falling asleep in a pile of dog sh*t. My work mates had to go & fetch my Dad to drive me home...with my head jammed in the rear window so I didn't puke in the car. Made it home & had an evening with my head down the bog. Worse thing was I had to work the next day with severe hangover...needless to say it was a while before I got a pay rise.

 

[The Silver Surfer]

One night match at the tail end of the season around 94/95 (I think).
I'd been drinking since noon and was sat front row in the Kippax with my brother and mates.
When we went 2-0 down I vaulted the paremeter wall to give the scorer the "V"'s.

The stewards obviously thought I was a threat to his safety so they got me in a headlock and dragged me out.......

The next day I was round at my birds (now wife). She was 17 at the time so obviously I didn't want her parents to think I was a hooligan. Honesty is the best policy I thought and it would be best they hear it off me rather than my mates telling them I was some kind of animal.

They said, "did you have a good time at the match last night"?

"uh, not really", I replied.

"Why's that"?

"Uh, urm, oh I got ejaculated".

Pause.

LONGER PAUSE.

"I MEAN EJECTED I GOT EJECTED"!!!

 

[Cellarite]

when i was 17 i went on a lad's holiday to turkey arranged at the printers where i worked. when it came to booking, the numbers dwindled to 3 of us and they were both mid to late 20's.

on the first day we started drinking early doors and were putting away lagers and jack daniels like nobodies business. i knew i was pissed but the sun must have got to me as well.
first of all, i rugby tackled one of the blokes running the bar into the pool while he was carrying a tray of empty glasses. then i sat at the bar knocking more back. at some point, i knew i was going to be sick so staggered onto the road outside and lay under some hedges throwing my guts up.
the lads i went with came and dragged me away much to the bemusement of the locals. they put me to sleep in our room and left me there. when i woke up, it was about 7 at night and the other 2 were back and having a kip before we hit the town again. i felt fine so nipped to the bar to chance a couple to freshen me up.

when i returned to our room to get changed for the night, i caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. i had what can only be described as a full goatee beard of dry sick around my fizzog. i had been wondering why i was getting strange looks at the bar but assumed that it was wonderment at my rapid recovery from earlier in the day.

 

[pauldominic]

I am sure we all have moments in our life that still make us cringe to this day. But what was the one time you wanted the ground to eat you up ?

For me the first day on University, while signing up for my course I decided to go for a spot of food. As we had one of those revolving glass doors I thought no problem here, the bag that I had on my back had other ideas though. It got caught in the door and took a good 20 minutes for me to be broken free, nobody could get in or out and the worst thing was the girls hockey team were signing up just outside where I was. From that day I made a vow never to go through revolving doors again.

Also when drunk my mates took my jeans and shirts off while drawing a cock on my head, I woke up on a field with loads of kids meeting up for football which didn't go down well.

There must be a few involving being drunk and deciding on a tattoo.

 

[Bigga]

Nothing too bad for me.

Around 20 years back, when I was in full flow and training, I went for jog in town(me living there at the time). I had jogged right around the perimeter and got to the Co-Op building, near the M.E.N building.

So, there I am, cooling down and shadow boxing, when I spot this lovely thing to my right, in her car stuck in the traffic. I'm thinking, she can see my muscles glistening in the sun, from the sweat. She's look real nice. Should I ask jog over and get her number whilst the traffic is crawling? She's looking at me, after all...

DONK!! Straight in to a lamp post, forehead first, luckily!!

It was one of those real 'ow!' and 'what a tw@!' moments, that I flicked my hood up walked the other way, head down.

My, the rush hour traffic must've laughed their b*ll*cks off at me, but I daren't look up to see!!

 

[pablozabaleta]

One night match at the tail end of the season around 94/95 (I think).
I'd been drinking since noon and was sat front row in the Kippax with my brother and mates.
When we went 2-0 down I vaulted the paremeter wall to give the scorer the "V"'s.

The stewards obviously thought I was a threat to his safety so they got me in a headlock and dragged me out.......

The next day I was round at my birds (now wife). She was 17 at the time so obviously I didn't want her parents to think I was a hooligan. Honesty is the best policy I thought and it would be best they hear it off me rather than my mates telling them I was some kind of animal.

They said, "did you have a good time at the match last night"?

"uh, not really", I replied.

"Why's that"?

"Uh, urm, oh I got ejaculated".

Pause.

LONGER PAUSE.

"I MEAN EJECTED I GOT EJECTED"!!!

I remember something like this happening to me as well,

I was about 12/13 and I remember it was near the time of an election. As I had no idea what an election was or how it worked.
I remember going to ask my mum what an election was but what actually came out of my mouth was "Mum, whats an erection an how does it work".

Que the longest pause ever till I realised what I had just asked her, I didn't wait for her reply though, just walked out the room feeling embarressed.