The Asian Bog

[Dalian Blue]

March 1997:
I travelled from Manchester to Riyadh in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia – a new experience. During my stay there I discovered that there are alternative crappers to the porcelain chariot that is an essential part of my life. I noted at the time that the ‘hole in the ground’ would be an inadequate containment device for a pisshead such as myself, issues with my stability and the good old exploding arse event after a good night on the pop. I resolved to avoid such devices by any means necessary.

Fast forward to February 2016:
I find myself on an overnight train from Dalian to Baicheng, around a 13 hour journey. I had expressed my concerns regarding the Asian crapper to my wife, she said it would be fine, there is a rail to hold on to in front of the bog - she assured me that I would be OK. Everything is going well and then around 2 hours or so into the journey, I felt a familiar rumbling down below and thought to myself that the event I had resolved to avoid so many years ago was about to happen, time to head for the nearest crapper.

Without delay I entered the realm of demons. I found myself in a small compartment with a stainless steel ‘hole in the ground’ and determined that the best approach would be to drop my strides as close to my ankles as possible, and squat. Please be aware that due to the rumblings from below I was thinking faster than an overclocked i7 at this point. However, I went for it and took up the squat position, only to realise that to ensure that my todger was pointing at the porcelain and not wetting the back of my jeans I had to release one hand from the bar in front of the crapper, this proved to be a difficult manoeuvre on a train travelling at around 100km/h.
Eventually, my bottom signalled that the mission had been accomplished. Then came the next problem, how to wipe my arse? Fortunately, there was a bog roll available but the only way I could achieve the wiping of the arse event was to do it standing up, after a few sheets it looked like I’d drawn an ace but I was hoping that I wouldn’t awaken the next morning to find my skids sticking to my ring piece.

Upon inspection, I discovered that my jeans and the back of my T-shirt were untainted, a remarkable achievement.

Overall, this was quite a traumatic moment in my life, although I suspect it would have been more traumatic for the next person as I used up all the bog paper.


May I ask if any other Bluemooners have experienced the delights of the Asian bog?

 

[EalingBlue2]

My preferred toilet of Asian Variety is the Japanese big, ultra modern, like R2D2, sweet aromas sprayed, music plays as your cheeks hit the seat, arse cleaned for you and a happy ending all thrown in!

 

[Citizen of Legoland]

Years ago French campsites had these for visitors (in fact might still do). My mate was explaining after his inaugural visit that they had kindly placed non-slip guides for one's feet so approached the task without fear. It was only after he had nearly finished that he realised he had faced the wrong way and, inadvisedly, attempted a mid-action turn.

It was a good job the showers were nearby.

 

[jacko74]

I read somewhere that something like 75% of the people on earth have never used what we consider to be a "proper" toilet.

 

[I'm With Stupid]

It's pretty telling that every new thing built in Asia uses a Western toilet, but some people still swear by them. I just did a motorbike trip through the Vietnamese countryside, and almost everyone has a normal toilet nowadays. But the weirdest one is when you get people who use a regular toilet like a squat toilet, leading to signs like this:

And yet in the West, people are now going the other way, with products like this:



I've never had a problem with the concept of a squat toilet, just the fact that every one I've ever seen (including in Japan) has been fucking rank. It also causes a lot of splash potential when pissing, which is a problem, because I'm almost always wearing flip flops when I'm forced to use one.

 

[Dalian Blue]

My preferred toilet of Asian Variety is the Japanese big, ultra modern, like R2D2, sweet aromas sprayed, music plays as your cheeks hit the seat, arse cleaned for you and a happy ending all thrown in!

Yup, I discovered such things when I visited Jeju Island, South Korea last October. I don't recall getting a happy ending from the bog though?

 

[mcfcJosh111]

I was on an a night bus in Laos last week and had a really bad stomach and was very dazed by the Valium I had taken to help me sleep so I went to use the squatter toilet. Just as the heavens opened from arse the bus went over huge bump and the shit went everywhere. The clean up was not very fun

 

[york away to this!]

None of these examples are as rank as the festival loos at Kendal calling a few years ago. It was the same weekend as the queen's jubilee and we were told there was a national shortage of portaloos.
After a clenching queue of up to an hour and finally getting in at the point of no return, the pile of crap was often up over the level of the seat. The only option was to do the squat up on the loo, clearly a tricky act for the 473 pissed and drugged up teens that had seemingly been in the queue before me...

 

[EalingBlue2]

Yup, I discovered such things when I visited Jeju Island, South Korea last October. I don't recall getting a happy ending from the bog though?

You need clean cheeks and to say please and thank you. First time I was in Tokyo it took me about 5 mins then pluck up the courage to press any of the buttons and I have to say music and a warm spray weren't what I was expecting

 

[EalingBlue2]

Remember watching an episode of hoarders from Sheffield. A father and son (the mother had died) and they had deep psychological grief, they couldn't throw anything away even a dump or piss. The piss they did in bottles and kept and the shit had basically Coke out of the loo across the floor and to the top of stairs and was almost glacial. It was as disgusting a thing I have seen and deeply disturbing