Joke thread

[GornikDaze]

I did that one recently

He told it better ;)

 

[dronefromsector7G]

He told it better ;)

Bollocks, it needs the word bakery in there

 

[Harrilew]

My wife just said there’s 14 reasons why she’s leaving me plus my obsession with tennis - I said ‘that’s 15 love !’

 

[MellowJoe]

When I was a boy my dad was a professional wrestler, he shouted a lot but he never really hit me.

 

[Indigo Prime]

 

[LWashington]

My wife's left me because of my obsession with 80's synth-pop duo Yazoo.

As she was leaving I said "Don't Go"

She said, "Don't you ever think of anyone else but them?"

Thinking back, "Only you" might not have been the best way of phrasing the answer.

 

[PannickAtTheDisco]

When I was a boy my dad was a professional wrestler, he shouted a lot but he never really hit me.

in the end he met he met his demise when he got hung up on the top rope.

 

[LWashington]

When I was a boy my dad was a professional wrestler, he shouted a lot but he never really hit me.

My dad was a professional nude wrestler, I feared his bare hug followed up by a rear naked choke.

 

[Barcon]

My dad was a professional nude wrestler, I feared his bare hug followed up by a rear naked choke.

Lol. That's just wrong.

 

[Indaparkside]

Our Eurovision entry

 

[Mr. Wednesday]

Too good.

 

[dronefromsector7G]

My Uncle John was a shit ventriloquist... He used to put his fingers up my arse and ask me not to say anything!

 

[Bill Walker]

Prostitute went to docs, Congratulations your pregnant, do u know who the dad is?
Hooker replies, if you ate a tin of beans would u know which one made you fart?

 

[Marklr]

I heard a great joke about a chiropractor about a week back...

 

[sir baconface]

I heard a great joke about a chiropractor about a week back...

Go on then. Don’t keep us in suspense.

 

[Uwe Already]

Go on then. Don’t keep us in suspenders.

Perv!

 

[hammocity]

Women say that giving birth is way more painful than a bloke getting kicked in
the bollocks. Here's proof that they are wrong.
A year or so after giving birth a woman will often say, '' It'd be nice to have another baby.''
You will never hear a bloke say ''I wouldn't mind another kick in the bollocks.''
Case closed.

Brilliant

 

[dronefromsector7G]

Go on then. Don’t keep us in suspense.

What do you call a chiropractor that loves his job?… a crack addict

 

[RadcliffeRick]

I asked my Welsh friend how many sexual partners he has had, he started to count but fell asleep

 

[sir baconface]

I asked my Welsh friend how many sexual partners he has had, he started to count but fell asleep

Welshman counting sheep. One, two, three...oh hello darling...four, five...hi gorgeous...