Joke thread

Those railway workers who are called out to remove branches that have blocked railway lines after a storm are not paid for the job they do.

It's considered fallen-tree work.
 
Drug dealer Carl Stewart was tracked down after sharing a photo of Stilton cheese.
He was identified through his fingerprints after police analysed the image he posted in an online chat.
He should have posted more Caerphilly.
 
A bush ranger in Africa went to his local bar and told everyone that he could identify any animal pelt and what killed it by touch alone. Obviously he was going to want a free pint for each correct answer.

The next night a few pelts had been brought to the bar for him to feel.

The barman duly blindfolds the ranger and the game began.

First pelt the ranger stroked it and his hand was guided to the wound site whereupon he poked his finger into the entry wound and declared: "Lion, killed by a .303 rifle. Correct, murmerings of approval, first pint.

Next up he correctly identified a zebra killed by a .204 shot.

He then went on to answer impala killed by a spear.

Lots of drink flowed and the evening was good.

Next morning he wakes up to see that he is sporting a fairly nasty looking black eye so he turns to his wife and said "I don't remember this, I must have been mugged or got into a fight"
The wife tells him that she gave him the black eye. What for he exclaimed in surprise.

Well, says she, you came home last night, rollicking drunk, crawled into bed next to me, stuffed your hand down my knickers and said "Skunk, killed by a hatchet!"
 
German man, Japanese man and irish man naked in a sauna suddenly a beeping sound german man touches his elbow said sorry thats my pager i have microchip in my arm.
Later a phone rings Japanese man talk into his hand said he
had phone integrated into his palm.
Irish man not to be outdone went to toilet came back with toilet paper hanging from his arse whaddaya know he said someone's sending me a fax!
·
 
DrBlueBob said:
A bush ranger in Africa went to his local bar and told everyone that he could identify any animal pelt and what killed it by touch alone. Obviously he was going to want a free pint for each correct answer.

The next night a few pelts had been brought to the bar for him to feel.

The barman duly blindfolds the ranger and the game began.

First pelt the ranger stroked it and his hand was guided to the wound site whereupon he poked his finger into the entry wound and declared: "Lion, killed by a .303 rifle. Correct, murmerings of approval, first pint.

Next up he correctly identified a zebra killed by a .204 shot.

He then went on to answer impala killed by a spear.

Lots of drink flowed and the evening was good.

Next morning he wakes up to see that he is sporting a fairly nasty looking black eye so he turns to his wife and said "I don't remember this, I must have been mugged or got into a fight"
The wife tells him that she gave him the black eye. What for he exclaimed in surprise.

Well, says she, you came home last night, rollicking drunk, crawled into bed next to me, stuffed your hand down my knickers and said "Skunk, killed by a hatchet!"
Click to expand...
Hahahahahahahahah love it !!
 
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