Joke thread

[BackofJeanette]

My neighbours fall asleep to extremely loud pan pipe music throughout the night, every night.

They’re moving soon which is a shame cos, I’m getting really good at playing the fucking things.

 

[SCEtoAUX]

Shamelessly stolen from Pistonheads, sorry if already posted, but this one really made me chuckle:

Bloke's walking along minding his own business when a funny-looking chap jumps out from behind a bush and says 'Remember Sean Connery!' before disappearing down the street.

Later that day the bloke looks out of his front window and sees the same funny-looking chap, who shouts out at him 'Remember Sean Connery!!' then scarpers around the corner.

'Right' our hero thinks, 'I've just about had enough of this' and storms off down the police station where he tells the desk sergeant that he's being stalked by a funny-looking chap.

Copper goes 'Can you give me a description?' and the bloke replies 'Well, he reminds me of Sean Connery'.

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[blue b4 the moon]

View attachment 68866

That would be brilliant with a couple of small holes in the tube for stars.

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

 

[bluebc]

 

[blue44]

probably get a ban but i'm bladdered.

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[Deleted member 77198]

I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.

 

[Bill Walker]

Paddy is stopped by a police officer. "What's the problem officer?" Officer: "You were going at least 70 in a 50 zone." paddy: "No sir, I was going 60." Wife: "Oh, paddy. You were going 80." paddy gives his wife a dirty look.) Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light." paddy: "Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!" Wife: "Oh paddy, you've known about that tail light for weeks." he gives his wife another dirty look.) Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seatbelt." paddy: "Oh I just took it off when you were walking up to the car." Wife: "Oh paddy, you never wear your seatbelt." paddy turns to his wife and yells, "SHUT YOUR FKIN MOUTH!" The Officer turns to the woman and asks,, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"
The wife says, "No, only when he's pissed....

 

[BlueMoonRisin’]

Thought I was taking paracetamol earlier, took cats medication instead, don't ask meow I managed that.

 

[Tuearts right boot]

View attachment 68865

......and the joke is ??

 

[RadcliffeRick]

......and the joke is ??

I thought it was the BM meet up at the Waldorf :-)

 

[JASR]

I thought it was the BM meet up at the Waldorf :-)

Waaaaayyy to much hair for that

 

[Plays By Sense Of Smell]

I thought it was the BM meet up at the Waldorf :-)

I do look good in blue, don't I?

 

[LWashington]

Thought I was taking paracetamol earlier, took cats medication instead, don't ask meow I managed that.

That furballed quickly.