Joke thread

[fulabeer]

 

[mrcunny]

 

[Maintainin]

 

[Maintainin]

 

[Maintainin]

 

[Lavinda Past]

Penguins mate for life.

It's not like they'll find a better looking one is it?

 

[Lavinda Past]

The wife told me she got me a beard trimmer for Christmas.

Don't you hate it when your missus buys you a present she wants for herself?

 

[Lavinda Past]

Will glass coffins become popular?

Remains to be seen

 

[Lavinda Past]

When I first left home, I had to rent a crappy flat with five foot high ceilings.

I couldn’t stand living there.

 

[Lavinda Past]

Two ladies having lunch and one whispers “I'm having a boob job”.

The other lady replies “That’s nothing, I'm having my arsehole bleached.”

First lady says “Really? I can’t imagine your husband as blond.”

 

[Lavinda Past]

You can tell the sex of an ant by putting it in water

If it sinks, it’s a girl ant. If it floats, it’s buoyant

 

[Bri1975]

 

[Maintainin]

 

[bluethrunthru]

not a joke but still funny - when he gets the worlds tiniest fire extinguisher at the end was sublime

 

[Maintainin]

 

[bladdered]

 

[Lavinda Past]

I recently went on a trip to the Antarctic and got to see some Penguins.

They're different to the ones we have in the UK. They don't have a joke on the wrapper .

 

[Lavinda Past]

My mate went for a massage last week and the girl asked him if he wanted to have a 'happy ending'.

He said yes and she asked him to pay her £10 upfront.

He asked her why he couldn't pay when the massage was over.

She said she preferred to get the money beforehand....

 

[Blue_eyes]

My wife said that she's going to live with her mother because of my obsession with The Three Degrees.

I said "When will I see you again?"

Im giving up giving in on this thread.

 

[Lavinda Past]

Im giving up giving in on this thread.

# Precious moments #

:-)