Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
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Lavinda Past
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Did you hear that a large number of gender non-binary prospectors in the USA have moved out west?
Apparently, there's gold in them/their hills.
Apparently, there's gold in them/their hills.
A guy is on a night out with his mates at a club , part way through the evening he goes for a pee, twenty minutes later he comes back white as a sheet and shaking … a mate says what happened to you? The bloke says he went for a piss and while in the toilet a giant of a man walked in and pulled a gun on him , he then pulled his huge cock out and said it’s either this and waved his cock about or this and waved his gun about! His mate said what did you do? The guy said well you didn’t hear a shot did you!
Was he using a prawn off shotgun?
RadcliffeRick
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I heard it was a Betta 9mm.
kippaxneil
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Unbelievable...361 days to Christmas and people have their decorations up already.
East Level 2
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What do you call an Egyptian who sells vehicles weighing 4,400 pound?
Two ton car man
Two ton car man
Dave Ewing's Back 'eader
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If they were on the front row at The Swamp effluent!
Big Swifty
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Yes, a mistype rather than a spelling mistake I think.
I've no idea how the Hague came out as "the Higue".
Musy be the Laphroaig
LWashington
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No idea, but the answers probably contains a load of u's.
Last edited:
Bigg Bigg Blue
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Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
I read about an Eskimo who tried to light a fire for warmth on his boat, but it made it sink.
I guess you can't have your kayak and heat it.
I guess you can't have your kayak and heat it.
Big Swifty
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Delivered by Frank Muir on panel game "My Word", circa 1964.
Happy 60th birthday, joke.
BLUE PEANUT
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Lavinda Past
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Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
An old man goes to a Wizard to ask if he can remove a curse he has lived with for 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words used to put the curse on you.”
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words used to put the curse on you.”
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Some guys are hanging around the local boatyard having a beer at the end of a long day.
One of them is blind, and he's a carpenter. Someone asks how the hell a blind man can be a carpenter.
He says he has to do everything by feel. His buddy says he's amazing and does really nice work.
He tells them the guy can identify any type of wood just by smell. One guy says oh yeah, let's see about that and grabs a plank that was laying on the ground puts it on on the bench and asks the blind guy to have a go.
The blind guy doesn't even lean over and prompty says that easy that yellow pine. Ok let's try something harder, they grab another board and put it down, he runs his nose up and down it a couple times and says this is mahogany, Honduras mahogany not that Philippine crap.
My God this guy is amazing says one of the guys. Ok there's no way he can identify this one he says as he puts another plank on the bench. The blind guy runs his nose up and down it a few times and stares thats white oak. Wow that's amazing who knew oak has any smell?
Well after a few more beers a couple of the guys decided to have some fun with the blind carpenter, one of them says to another hey go get your wife and lay her on the table, this ought to be interesting.
The blind guy runs his nose up and down the woman for quite a while and then says flip it over, they roll the woman over and the bling guy runs his nose up and down her again and prompty states “thats the shitter door from a fishing boat”
One of them is blind, and he's a carpenter. Someone asks how the hell a blind man can be a carpenter.
He says he has to do everything by feel. His buddy says he's amazing and does really nice work.
He tells them the guy can identify any type of wood just by smell. One guy says oh yeah, let's see about that and grabs a plank that was laying on the ground puts it on on the bench and asks the blind guy to have a go.
The blind guy doesn't even lean over and prompty says that easy that yellow pine. Ok let's try something harder, they grab another board and put it down, he runs his nose up and down it a couple times and says this is mahogany, Honduras mahogany not that Philippine crap.
My God this guy is amazing says one of the guys. Ok there's no way he can identify this one he says as he puts another plank on the bench. The blind guy runs his nose up and down it a few times and stares thats white oak. Wow that's amazing who knew oak has any smell?
Well after a few more beers a couple of the guys decided to have some fun with the blind carpenter, one of them says to another hey go get your wife and lay her on the table, this ought to be interesting.
The blind guy runs his nose up and down the woman for quite a while and then says flip it over, they roll the woman over and the bling guy runs his nose up and down her again and prompty states “thats the shitter door from a fishing boat”
Fiftyyearsandcounting
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Actress Joan Collins used to call her husband Bungalow Bill..."Because he doesn't have much upstairs".
