Joke thread

A man starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks. First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds.
As he does this, a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show the others who's boss, he beats it to death with a spade. Realising his employer won't be best pleased; he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.
Moving on to the second job of clearing out the chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps who pelt him with coconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a spade, killing them both. What can he do? Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything. He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.
He moved on to the last job, which is to collect honey from the South American bees. As soon as he starts, he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to do and throws them into the lion's cage - because lions eat anything.
Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to another lion and says 'What's the food like here?' The lions say 'Absolutely brilliant lad. Today we had fish and chimps with mushy bees...
 
Little Johnny woke up in the middle of the night and cried until his mother came in to see what was the matter.
"I have to make pee pee", wailed little Johnny.
"All right" said his mother, "I'll take you to the bathroom."
"No" insisted little Johnny, "I want grandma."
"Don't be silly, I can do the same thing as grandma," said his mother firmly.
"Nuh-uh,her hands shake." replied little Johnny.
 

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