Went for a long walk around two hours.
Was also picking litter , several bags of it , was absolutely wringing with sweat.
I expected this to flatten the demons for a few hours but no they were back not long after I got home.
I actually in my mind have got a plan . I'm going to see my GP and actually get on my knees and fucking beg because trust me I am that desperate.
Writing on here really helps me.
I think we all care and think and hope Pink gets some solace and the help he needs.PF I don't reply to your posts here because I feel like I don't have the experience or expertise to say anything helpful or the 'right' thing. But I suspect I'm one of hundreds on here who even if we don't have the right words are still rooting for you and keep a good thought for you each day. Keep on writing and posting.
The Tottenham game first half good, we let it slip second half and Pep got a second yellow card off the fourth official enough said about that game definitely a distractionWent to the walk in again
Chatting for almost an hour
I had to go, it was either that or headbutt the wall
This illness is relentless and utterly merciless
I'll probably ring the "emergency" number the local NHS mental health dept has, tomorrow, or if I'm feeling calmer , Monday
I have gigs Friday and Saturday night and I'm planning to go to the cinema on Sunday so at least I've got distractions , aswell as the Tottenham game
.
Thanks lovely, aside from the game i had a nice day with cake and cream and merlin cuddlesHappy birthday today Kaz7 two birthdays your very lucky to be here after sepsis but glad your celebrating you deserve to treat yourself, sending best wishes for both of the birthdays. .:)
Maybe charity/volunteering outside work hours? Not easy with kids though!
Walking, running, exercising if you don’t already do them, are great ways to get the endorphins going, lowering stress levels and giving that general feel good feeling.First post in this thread. I’m 42 and I’ve had poor mental health throughout my life.
Diagnosed with complex childhood trauma and recurrent depression. I’ve been on Lamictal since 2019 and it’s definitely helped. Prescribed off label as a mood stabiliser by a psychiatrist.
I function pretty well - decent job, decent salary, lovely wife and kids - but ‘it’ will be there until my dying day.
One thing that is noticeable is the complete lack of a hobby, apart from City. I can’t even read books, go swimming or play computer games like I used to because I have chronic vestibular migraines.
I’m crap at golf, can’t fish… not sure what to try, really? Maybe charity/volunteering outside work hours? Not easy with kids though!
Thanks mate :)I approve of this in the workplace.
Welcome to the most honest and kind thread on here
Thanks mate. I’ve tried running and the gym to no avail, but I do try to go for a walk every day and that definitely helps.Walking, running, exercising if you don’t already do them, are great ways to get the endorphins going, lowering stress levels and giving that general feel good feeling.
If you have time, space and a lifestyle to accommodate a new addition to your family, a dog really is man(woman)s best friend. The love they give is unconditional and force you to get out, in all weathers, and get the old heart rate going.
My boy has been through every one of life’s up and downs with me and my family. He’s creaking a bit, like me, but he’s an absolute diamond and I love him to bits…….despite me being the one saying we’re not getting a dog for more years than I care to remember.
Midnight here, 5 a.m. there, hope you're in the land of nod soon. Anyway I met an old guy today who I'd not seen in three years. Long ago he went through a load of bad stuff: trouble with the police, drugs, and deep depression, he spent one Christmas under the kitchen table crying and refusing to come out. When he went back over those years I mentioned your struggles and he said his life has changed since the darkest times. No, he's not "happy, successful, cheerful about the future" now, he said his life is rough and he doesn't think it will ever not be. But "rough" is the worst he feels these days and he said he hopes you get to a place where you can say at least the same. And note he's made it to "old."Thinking of going to A&E again.
Yesterday and today have been very very tough indeed. Long walks and hard work picking lots and lots of trash but no real change in my mood.
But I expect that if I do go to A&E I'll just get what I got last time , a clearly jaded NHS employee who's seen it a thousand times before who'll placate me and send me packing, back to my utter AGONY of an existence which I feel more and more that I simply must terminate.
They know about me having the rope, they know I've told people I'm done, yet I'm still in this no man's land. I don't get it.
Are they only going to pay attention if I crack up , injure myself, threaten someone or something.
It's obvious I need something drastic like electro convulsive therapy because I've tried all the avaliable medication.
Gym , exercise etc. only have limited effect. I could go to the mental health centre's daily social but I really struggle to go outside during the day. It doesn't help that I don't go to sleep until around 5am and wake early afternoon. I should definitely try and change that
Especially with it being winter.
The torture of this is absolutely indescribable.
Hope you get the help you need, pal.Probably gonna go to A&E tonight.
Something I've not done for about 5 months.
These people either do not grasp the gravity of my situation or they simply do not fucking care.
I cannot "do this" indefinitely.
I am not waiting until I develop psychosis or go completely insane.
Neither of which are impossible , I think.
The last year of my existence has been torture.
I'm genuinely shocked at the severity of my depression. I've suffered a very long time but in 2025 it just went up another level completely.
A visceral fear has been added to the mix - which can only be alleviated (for a short time) by very long walks or vigorous gym workouts.
The idea that people have to live with a burden this horrendous is actually terrifying.
I take it the meds arent working mate.Probably gonna go to A&E tonight.
Something I've not done for about 5 months.
These people either do not grasp the gravity of my situation or they simply do not fucking care.
I cannot "do this" indefinitely.
I am not waiting until I develop psychosis or go completely insane.
Neither of which are impossible , I think.
The last year of my existence has been torture.
I'm genuinely shocked at the severity of my depression. I've suffered a very long time but in 2025 it just went up another level completely.
A visceral fear has been added to the mix - which can only be alleviated (for a short time) by very long walks or vigorous gym workouts.
The idea that people have to live with a burden this horrendous is actually terrifying.
I've tried all available medications, they've told me. After checking the computer records.I take it the meds arent working mate.
I've had friends who have been sectioned then sent back to their 14th floor flat in Blackley high rise full of drug addicts. Why would they do that?
I'm not sure if they don't care or they're just incompetent but what I do know is mental health services are not fit for purpose. You have to do this and not rely on them to sort it out.
This time next year things in your life will be different and you'll have a whole different set of things to worry about. Just get through the dark times by doing what you're doing.....life changes and circumstances change too.
My sisters husband had ECT and he was never the same person after. His personality changed entirely.
Spring is coming and sunshine. Look forward to long walks in the warm.
I have been admitted to a ward only once [2016] and that was only because I admitted to homicidal thoughts.Can A and E get you a hospital place ?
Go to A and E mate and tell them properly what you’re writing here
Get some kipI have been admitted to a ward only once [2016] and that was only because I admitted to homicidal thoughts.
I'm feeling a bit calmer since writing on here so I don't know about going to A&E. I just cannot face a possible ten hour wait (which I did a year ago)
May go for a walk but there is a vicious wind out there.
I need to be going to sleep much earlier and not getting up and seeing only a couple of hours of daylight.
Have you tried SAD lamps, to help with your lack of daylight ?I have been admitted to a ward only once [2016] and that was only because I admitted to homicidal thoughts.
I'm feeling a bit calmer since writing on here so I don't know about going to A&E. I just cannot face a possible ten hour wait (which I did a year ago)
May go for a walk but there is a vicious wind out there.
I need to be going to sleep much earlier and not getting up and seeing only a couple of hours of daylight.