Bereavement

Get off your arse and do it. Not really bothered who's "fault" your issue with your mum is. You won't be able to make amends when she's no longer around.

I messaged her yesterday - waiting to see if she comes back to me.
 
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Whilst this may sound counter intuitive i'd like to say that your Mothers funeral will help you come to terms with her death. You will have to be strong for the others family members around you which pushes your own heartache to the back of your mind.
The one thing i'm really proud of was carrying my Dads coffin into the crem and not being a jibbering wreck. My young nephews looked too me for strength and they found it. I placed him on the plinth, straightened the momentos and said a private farewell. This i will never forget.
 
I lost my mum 20 years ago and my wife lost hers 2 years ago. We are a really fun couple when we talk about them after a few drinks. The pain dosent diminish you just find a way to put it in a "box" to allow you to carry on.
 
It's a year ago to the day that my twin brother died. It's hard but just have to get on with it. I feel more for my mum it was she who found him that morning.
 

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