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You're lucky - next time I'll bring a German shepherd round to crap on your front lawn in plain sight. He'll also be accompanied by his dog.

If the tie does go to penalties for the decider (unlikely) - please bring Ortega on in goal. Edison does not save them and quite often does not make the effort.

Lily Savage

The First Omen. Pretty good prequel to the classic Omen with Gregory Peck. Full of salacious sex and extreme gore. Ralph Ineson (Finchy from the Office sitcom) plays an investigative priest on the right track.

How the hell did he receive the Nobel prize for Literature a few years back? I mean the awards committee must have been stoned. Voice of a generation in the early 60s? Possibly to the pretentious, hippies and the counter culture.

Kurt Coldbrains eh? He was a member of that stupid 27 club. That was the age when they committed suicide/died: Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, Amy Winehouse, Brian Jones (although he may have just drowned, been murdered?) too.

About 5 years ago the Bert Trautman film "The Keeper" was released to decent reviews. Good biopic of a City legend. I'd also like to see a Sky documentary made of our 115 Premier league charges when we get exonerated hands down.

Takes one to know one! Shit I mean WUZULU WUZULU

In the early 1900s an Anglican missionary , in South Africa, was attempting to convert the local Zulu tribes to Christianity. He entered a settlement and faced a line of warriors, half naked and carrying spears. He approached cautiously and they started chanting "WUZULU..WUZULU" Encouraged he...

The scripts don't usually make sense if followed very closely. It's often an excuse to move to some new exotic photogenic location. The plots are also very similar - Spectre or Thrush etc plotting world domination - thwarted by Bond at the death with huge explosions and pyrotechnics. Always a...

I do remember the Aabden in Jackson Crescent Hulme. They did have several screens well before the Multiplexes. Some patrons used to travel long distances e.g. Leeds, Chester to catch a rarely screened flick. They used to send out newsletters showing attractions 4 weeks ahead. Unfortunately they...

Q: What has this Spring got in common with the singer Cher? A: They both haven't been fucking sunny for a long time.

Try a notorious leather bar and enquire about cottaging.

How the hell did Italy, perennial wooden spoonists, beat Scotland after their convincing wins over Wales and England. Still it gives the underdogs a rare lift and overall it's good for the tournament.

Just ran into a mate who looked like he'd just gone 15 rounds with Mike Tyson at his prime. "Bloody hell mate what happened.?" "Well I was giving next door's housewife a good seeing to on the kitchen table when she heard her husband's key in the front door. Quick she hissed - use the back door!"...

He did score 4 goals in his first 6 games with us but was unable to make a permanent place in the forward line. Understandably really with the 67/68 line up. He was a wild man and was sent out on loan to Crewe under father figure manager Ernie Tagg to sort himself out - and then he got a good...

Face it - it's a throwaway society. Years ago say a car dynamo/alternator was on its last legs it would be stripped down, refurbished etc - now it's just a straight replacement. Computers are another example. Plenty useful life left but model must be upgraded for faster gaming etc (built in...

It was never any good for him to be subjected to a show trial on his return to Moscow. He must have known the likely outcome (exiled to a horrendous gulag with zero medical facilities) . Putin had already tried to have him killed. He'd have been much better in exile slagging the evil practices...

Ones you don't catch from dirty women (flea powder won't work).

Look the PL are really laying down a marker with Everton and Notts Forest - relatively minor charges compared to us. They both cooperated and plead guilty (Forest with all those player signings in a short time were obviously sailing near the wind). Everton had their minus 10 points penalty...