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Radioactive - it glows in the dark

Offal like tripe, chitterlings, hearts , haggis etc - all unmentionable parts of animals. All those can do one.

You know the likely scenario if you had taken up the offer. The blonde would have led you into a bespoke bedroom. Satin sheets, mirrors on ceiling, whips on wall etc. She'd have got you really aroused, stripped you off and handcuffed to the headboard. Then she would have exited the room...

Napoleon - could have been shorter though - ha ha. Okay 7/10 for me. Battle scenes really good - Ridley Scott's a past master at this. Rupert Everett - good cameo as the Duke of Wellington.

What about Albert Twatlock - the Coronation Street Chastity belt. Complete oxygen thief.

Yes - 28 England caps and extended coaching from Pep and his team - I know he's been injured some of the time - and he's still been unable to make any sort of impact. Just not a player for our side of style of football I'm afraid.

One city fan's club shirt is hilarious: Player's name front: CHARGES. Squad number back: 115. The league are trying to lay down a precedent with Everton before us: Everton admitted guilt and fully cooperated. Let's just not and fight on - we've seen off EUFA and we can deal similarly with these...

When an English girl loses her virginity she says "Thank God that's out of the way. I could really go a nice cup of tea now." When a French girl loses her virginity she cries "Oooh la la . C'est magnifique mon cheri. Forminable! Repetez moi s'il vous plait." When an Australian girl loses her...

Shagging privileges suspended.

I always thought his comedy routines were rather silly (Diddy men, jam butty mines, tickling sticks,etc) although he could deliver a good one liner) but I changed my mind sharpish. About 15 years ago I turned on radio 5 live for some cricket scores. However, as a typical English summer it was...

He cracked that originally Income Tax was at 2p in the pound (to fund the Napoleonic wars) and he thought it still was. He was lucky to avoid his Summer show in Pankhurst where he would have made the inmates laugh.

Another fave final twist was in "The Wicker Man" Everybody must have seen this now (like "Don't Look Now" - both over 40 years old but still pack a powerful punch.) A police sargeant (Edward Woodward) is lured to an isolated Scottish island where the natives have renounced Christianity. As he's...

The Julie Christie/Donald Sutherland movie "Don't Look Now". At the start they are involved in a hot steamy sex session indoors while their toddler daughter, wearing a red plastic raincoat, accidentally drowns in the back garden pond. To escape guilt and the tragedy they take a work assignment...

The original Hitchcock film Psycho. In 1960 the world of of murderous unbalanced cross dressers did not exist and the end revelation was very unsettling. As part of the film's publicity Hitchcock decreed that no one would be admitted to the cinema after the film had started and urged the...

Not until the green mould kicks in and the vapours become more noticeable. (people passing out on the bus). Seriously teeth twice daily with electric toothbrush and including vigorous strokes of the gum lines.

Probably the worst ever. The plot referred to the plan to conquer the earth from outer space (what happened to the preceding 8). The New York Times review sniffed that the movie seemed to have been shot in someone's garage. The director Ed Wood was incensed and replied that only scenes of flying...

Errol Flynn of "In Like Flynn" fame. At his peak (late 30s to mid 40s) he was an extra ordinary handsome man. Great in swashbuckling roles - westerns The Sea Wolf, Robin Hood, They Died with their boots on etc However, many years of hard living (sex, drink, drugs) turned him into a shambling...

Back 20 years or so the Moscow State Circus was ace. They did UK tours on a regular basis. I remember seeing the "Triple" trapeze act in Brighton - before Health and Safety banned it - (the most difficult procedure as in the Burt Lancaster/Tony Curtis film "Trapeze" - Lancaster was a former...

Oxygen - think about it

Remember a few years ago now. They had one or two Christmas Santa's wonderland. Brochures were printed and tickets sold up front at a hefty price. When the eager family punters arrived on site they found a muddy track with fake snow melting fast, "reindeer" (actually donkeys with stick on...