5 goals in 19 big games in the last 18 months doesn't match up with your insistence that he "doesn't turn up against top teams". That's what you said. He might not do it as much as expected or hoped, but he literally does turn up. You've just shown everyone that he does. Apologies for the pedantry but you're the one who made the absolutist claim.
But while we're at it - your methodology can have several holes punched in it. Say Haaland scores the winning goal against West Ham on the last day of this 23/24 season. Surely that game is of greater import than the derby at Old Trafford earlier this season, or your average run-of-the-mill home game against West Ham. But, according to your data, because it's not come against a "top side" it doesn't count the same?
What about his goal to get us back in the game against Leipzig when we were 2-0 down? His four goals against Young Boys that meant we sailed through in the Champions League group? His two goals at Chelsea that brought us back into that 4-4 game when it was slipping away from us? Scoring the 3rd goal at Palace recently to kill a sticky game at an important time in the season? The five goals he scored at Luton to set us up for another good run in the FA Cup? Are these not also big moments?
Also, there are two ways you can look at the goals he's scored against top sides, but you've chosen to look at them in a way that discredits them, or diminishes their importance. "He scored goals in games we were already winning", etc. But that 3rd goal against Arsenal killed a tight away game and gave us the points. The 4th goal against Arsenal in the home game killed any hope of an Arsenal comeback. His goal at the Allianz stopped any hope of Bayern getting a foothold in the game.
He's lacked a killer instinct at points this season, he's clearly struggling with some kind of physical issue, and his performances are deserving of criticism. But saying things like "he doesn't turn up against top teams" is so blatantly untrue - as you've so clearly outlined with your own data - and it's where the criticism of Haaland goes way over the top. If you're going to have a go at him, have a go about things that are actually there. Don't just wade in with some easily disprovable nonsense because you've planted your flag and need to feel like you're correct.