I'm pretty sure it's not your fault. Don't know how to feel or act. We had lots of time to prepare. I cried several times last year knowing how much I'd missed her already, but I know she wouldn't have wanted to hang around if in pain or seriously debilitated. Queenie's speech was spot on. Devestated me, I hung around crying at the loss of her story, because it meant something that she saw the end of WW2, saw the film from Bersen-Belgen at the cinema, told me about the bombers flying over her house. And I knew she was at that exact moment with people of that generation. The care home had union jacks and is furnished in a way which people of that generation seem to like. Blown away. She died a couple of days later. One of many. There still isn't a death certificate yet. I hope to god she was comfortable and not scared by it all. But she had an interesting attitude to death, was pro-euthanasia, had already lost her brother and sister, so I'm hopeful. I get to scatter her ashes over the fields that overlook the valley where the planes were flying towards. I'm ok with it. What happened in the carehomes, why infected patients were sent back there, what happened with PPE supply, that's a question which I will be quietly watching get answered in the years to come. Maybe decades. I'm patient, I've got my whole fucking life ahead of me.
Personally I guess there's no way I can ever quite expect to forget that the fat twat managed to steal that moment by getting sent to the hospital after catching the virus, having blatently not followed his own social distancing measures, and told people not to visit their elderly relatives, but of course he'd visit his mummy. Saw a middle aged woman outside my flat the next day carrying a present on the way to hers.
I guarantee one thing. He'll never take responsibility. Ever. There'll be nothing but shit eating grins and soppy eyes. Deflection onto the WHO, the NHS, Public Health England. By the time the dust settles, we'll be playing Brexit games again.
It'll never change the fact that we wasted months when we could have been stockpiling PPE, working out supply lines, finding tests and strategising. Instead he let himself be led down the wrong path by some collosal and collosally arrogant idiots, and then when he had to do something, he started to man up, but ultimately this is not a fellow who will ever find it in himself to tell people what they didn't want to hear, not without making sure they understand he doesn't really mean it.
And if the day comes, and it's finally revealed why COBRA membership and advice has mysteriously, suddenly, become classified information - during a national emergency... but an international pandemic - I'm going to end years of sobriety, because I certainly will need a stiff fucking drink before reading that.