Will have to don my full-body Kevlar for this one, I’m sure, but I’d actually be tempted to go for Sancho. I know, I know, I know, but please bear with me. Putting aside the fact that he walked from us, the fact that he appears to be a 24 karat walloper, and the fact that he has now danced with the devil- and I recognise that is a terrible lot to ask- he actually remains a really talented footballer and one that could be got relatively cheaply.
I watched Dortmund’s Champions League games last season and he was instrumental in getting them, a workmanlike them, to the final, and that was after having played precious little football earlier in the season. In the plus column, he knows our system, knows many of our players, can play in multiple positions, and already has an almost telepathic understanding with Haaland. It won’t happen, of course, but forgiveness doesn’t have to be divine, and I wouldn’t mind him having his last chance saloon with us. Talking of which, where did I leave my methylated spirits?…