Away ground 'TOILET' comedy gold stories...

[Didsbury Dave]

It was mine, I thought it was a cracking piece of work, and it got deleted.

I talked about the fact that I went 30 years watching City without having a shit in the ground, and last season I had two.

The worst experience for me though was Shalke last year, I had the runs. It wasn't the ground, it was the "fanzone" area in Gelsenkhirken. There was one cubicle for about 1000 beered up Blues, without a lock, and I had to shit in it about 2 hours before kickoff. No lock, no bogroll, gallons of piss on the floor and gallons on the seat. And lads trying to open the door and banging and that.

It was a bad scene, probably worse than Glastonbury. Only Fratton Park I would consider to be potentially worse.

Ah, this were it, absolute cracker that.

On the subject of Fratton park, Dave. Do you have anything else to share on this subject?

My cousin, a mad blue, went for a dump in the away end at Fratton Park, I think it was the year BRadbury scored 2 against us. He's in the navy down there there so I regularly spend the weekend down there when City are there.

He's seen combat at the front line, he's even talked about seeing a man cut in half.

But I swear he looked more traumatised when he came back from that single cubicle than when he got back from Iraq. He will talk about what he saw and did in Iraq when he's had a few beers and I get him on his own.

He's never talked about that fateful day at Fratton Park and I don't want to push him.

 

[geoff hammond]

What about the old bogs at the back of the kippax (standing days).

Once when i was young i had too many beers the night before a city game and felt well rough. I was stood on the kippax and quickly realised i needed to puke. I legged it out of one of the big tunnels to the bogs (no doors on the cubicle) put my head down to puke and was greeted with the worst pile of shit (mixed with cheap toilet paper) i have ever seen literally, 2cm from my face. It was piled full to the rim.

Legged it straight out again and puked in the forecourt.

I felt more sorry for the desparate sod who had had to use that toilet before me.

Jim Tolmie scored soon after and we won. Happy days.

 

[sir malcom]

What about the old bogs at the back of the kippax (standing days).

Once when i was young i had too many beers the night before a city game and felt well rough. I was stood on the kippax and quickly realised i needed to puke. I legged it out of one of the big tunnels to the bogs (no doors on the cubicle) put my head down to puke and was greeted with the worst pile of shit (mixed with cheap toilet paper) i have ever seen literally, 2cm from my face. It was piled full to the rim.

Legged it straight out again and puked in the forecourt.

I felt more sorry for the desparate sod who had had to use that toilet before me.

Jim Tolmie scored soon after and we won. Happy days.

pmsl fcuking quality.

 

[Chipmeister]

Remember going to the old Manor ground home of Oxford United ( wow we were really playing there)

Went to the toilets and there was "water" coming up to the top of your shoes, my mate said to stand on tip toes. Fcuking hilarious when he got his feet wet and when eventually made the stones you guessed it overflowing.

Then at the entrance some young lads started splashing each other, priceless.

The good old stadium days.

 

[bradmcfc]

Remember going to the old Manor ground home of Oxford United ( wow we were really playing there)

Went to the toilets and there was "water" coming up to the top of your shoes, my mate said to stand on tip toes. Fcuking hilarious when he got his feet wet and when eventually made the stones you guessed it overflowing.

Then at the entrance some young lads started splashing each other, priceless.

The good old stadium days.

Ha ha ha ha !!!! pmsl

 

[Vic]

The funniest for me was,groclin when the portaloo was turned over with the guy still in it,caked in shit and piss,shouldnt laugh ........but,and when he came out rageing ,he cleared the area quicker than a pack of west yorkshire police dog handlers.cnuts trick i know but still tickles me to this day.

I don't think he quite saw it that way. Didn't they refuse to have him on the coach?

 

[Didsbury Dave]

Just remembered another related story.

Half time, QPR away. It was when the away end was terraced, so maybe 1990ish.

It was a lovely sunny day but suddenly at half time, those of us stood in the lower tier noticed drips coming from the roof. These drips quickly became torrents. Everyone sort of realised at once that this was piss coming through the floor of the wooden stand above. The Blues up there must have been pissing in the corridoor.

There were stampedes all over the place on the terrace. AS you ran away from one pissstream, you hit another. Then lads started pushing each other into the pissstreams.

Happy days, eh?

 

[borassic]

What about Chesterfield? In that terrace there's a wall, no bogs, just a wall. I was pissed up so can't really remember seeing any cubicles anywhere, I needed a shit so it was either Squat against the wall or leave the ground and find somewhere else. Dilemma but I thought fuck it and braved it with clenched arse cheeks for the rest of a horrible horrible game as well, think we got beat 2-1. Had to run for the train aswell n had a knife pulled on me on the way back, god only knows how I didn't shit myself but I was touching cloth for about 2 hours.
Wouldn't like to have been the bog cleaner on the train that day.

 

[BillyMC]

Golden Fleece(under the bridge) at Blackburn a few seasons back. Me and the boys are on a big session, when one fella decides to chance a shit ...clears all the coke heads out of trap one...drops trollies...when theres a bang on the door....

"hurry pal..Ricky Hattons dying for a dump" shouts some scrote

"Tell Ricky Hatton to fuck off" retorts my pal from in the cubicle

5 mins later mate unlocks the door and is greeted by Ricking Hatton trying to hold one in..promptly sticks out his unwashed hand...Ricky thinks about it before accepting and entering the stinking bog....

 

[Dr Mick]

I was once taking a piss in the toilets at the back of the Kippax whilst nearby two pissed up teenage lads also having a wee were singing a Kinkladze song.

This old bloke went up to them and said something which I couldn't make out over the general noise but saw the lads looking a bit confused. So after we had finished our business I asked one of the lads what the old boy had said.

"He said Kinkladze isn't as good as Matthew Sanfinney, but we've never heard of the c*nt" replied the young lad.

I think they old man was comparing Gio to Stanley Matthews and Tom Finney.