Away ground 'TOILET' comedy gold stories...

[borassic]

Spot the new football fan.

Open air pissers were common in the old terrace days. The Kippax had them.

You didn't need to clean them, especially in Manchester.

Apologies for bein 21, those were the days I'd have quite like to have seen. Football culture is wank nowadays.

 

[Didsbury Dave]

Spot the new football fan.

Open air pissers were common in the old terrace days. The Kippax had them.

You didn't need to clean them, especially in Manchester.

Apologies for bein 21, those were the days I'd have quite like to have seen. Football culture is wank nowadays.

Well there's two sides to every story, jase.

It's great fun laughing about it now but if I had bum gravy these days I'd much prefer COMS to Maine Road.

All this Maine Road nostalgia overlooks this important fact.

Where I am up on Colin Bell tier 2 you don't even have to wipe the seat if you get in there before kickoff.

 

[LongsightM13]

Did you cheer Varadi's goals from your perch on the shitter, Longsight?

I dont believe there is any man alive who has not gone home commando for that very reason, at some point in his life.

Ha!! No, I was too busy groaning!!!!

 

[Didsbury Dave]

Did you cheer Varadi's goals from your perch on the shitter, Longsight?

I dont believe there is any man alive who has not gone home commando for that very reason, at some point in his life.

Ha!! No, I was too busy groaning!!!!

I'd love to find out if there's anyone out there who was doing a shit when Dickov equalised.

Surely you'd cheer your head off, no matter how bad the toilet situation?

I know a lad who was in a pub near Wembley and he went for a piss and came out and Blues were going ballistic after his goal, but that isnt really the same.

 

[borassic]

Apologies for bein 21, those were the days I'd have quite like to have seen. Football culture is wank nowadays.

Well there's two sides to every story, jase.

It's great fun laughing about it now but if I had bum gravy these days I'd much prefer COMS to Maine Road.

All this Maine Road nostalgia overlooks this important fact.

Where I am up on Colin Bell tier 2 you don't even have to wipe the seat if you get in there before kickoff.

You're right but you've been there and seen it. If you were my age again I reckon you'd feel the same way. After hearing all the stories off the old man I almost feel nostalgic trying to think back. Sounds strange I know but there ain't much excitement or strong social links as there was back then, apparently!

 

[danny123]

This thread is quality!! hahaha, I can't share any experiences though :(

 

[geoff hammond]

Toilet story - not city related but thought worthwhile sharing.

I had a big meeting with a major important client.

The meet was at his premises somewhere south of buxton at 9am. He is very rich and spends most of his time on his yacht in the med. He wanted me there prompt so we could have the meeting and he could fly back to the med early afternoon.

i had had a curry the night before and felt fine setting off from my house but going over the hills i felt the first twinges of stomach cramp.

By the time i got there i was desparate for a crap.

I walked in a ten to 9 and client said "Good your early we'll get started".

I said i would just like to use your toilet and went off to the bog which was at the very far end of the building.

I dropped my trolleys and as soon as i was sat i empied my guts big style.

Then my heart sank - that horrible felling as i realised there was no paper.

It was the cleanest barest toilet i had ever seen.

No towels . No bin . Nothing. Just 3 walls a door a toilet and a wash basin.

I decided that walking back up to the other end of the building with my pants around my ankles asking for toilet paper would not give a good impression.

Looked at my watch 8-55am. Think quick.

Decided had no option. Took off my shoes and socks.

Wiped with one sock and then rolled it up inside the other.

Stuffed the sockball into my pocket. Shoes back on and then did one of the most important meetings of my life (for 3 hours) with shitty socks in my pocket.

There is a field between buxton and manchester where to this day a pair of my socks are slowly bio-degrading.

 

[Didsbury Dave]

Cracker Geoff.

I thought youwere going down the Urban Myth route there but no, totally original.

I await the customary "my mate threw his shitty underpants out the girlfriend's window only to find them eating dinner in a conservatory" tale.

There must have been someone having a shit when dickov scored?

 

[m27]

Toilet story - not city related but thought worthwhile sharing.

I had a big meeting with a major important client.

The meet was at his premises somewhere south of buxton at 9am. He is very rich and spends most of his time on his yacht in the med. He wanted me there prompt so we could have the meeting and he could fly back to the med early afternoon.

i had had a curry the night before and felt fine setting off from my house but going over the hills i felt the first twinges of stomach cramp.

By the time i got there i was desparate for a crap.

I walked in a ten to 9 and client said "Good your early we'll get started".

I said i would just like to use your toilet and went off to the bog which was at the very far end of the building.

I dropped my trolleys and as soon as i was sat i empied my guts big style.

Then my heart sank - that horrible felling as i realised there was no paper.

It was the cleanest barest toilet i had ever seen.

No towels . No bin . Nothing. Just 3 walls a door a toilet and a wash basin.

I decided that walking back up to the other end of the building with my pants around my ankles asking for toilet paper would not give a good impression.

Looked at my watch 8-55am. Think quick.

Decided had no option. Took off my shoes and socks.

Wiped with one sock and then rolled it up inside the other.

Stuffed the sockball into my pocket. Shoes back on and then did one of the most important meetings of my life (for 3 hours) with shitty socks in my pocket.

There is a field between buxton and manchester where to this day a pair of my socks are slowly bio-degrading.

That my friend, is fucking brilliant.

 

[daveduke67]

...........Where I am up on Colin Bell tier 2 you don't even have to wipe the seat if you get in there before kickoff.

With the prices they'll be charging next year I'd expect you not to have to wipe your arse let alone the seat - they'll have someone to do that for you.