Bad Gag Thread

[Joycee Banercheck]

Bear walks into a bar and says "Pint of lager........................and a packet of crisps"
"Why the long pause?"
"To catch fish with"

Man goes in a pub with a giraffe. Buys 7 pints for the giraffe. Giraffe drinks them all and collapses pissed on the floor.
Man decides to make a shatp exit.
Barman shouts "Oy! You can't leave that lying there!"
"It's not a lion" shouts the man, "It's a giraffe."

Two monkeys in a bath
One says "oooh oooh aah aah ooh ooh"
The other one says, "Yeah it is rather hot".

Paddy and Murphy are walkin down the road when Paddy picks up a piece of dogshit and says to Murphy, "Look what I nearly stood in"

 

[bada bing]

To cannibals watching the 100M sprint at the olympics,
first cannibal "who ever wins this race we'll eat"
second cannibal "nah, I just fancy the starter"

 

[Manchester1894]

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:o)

 

[Doctor Congo]

I was walking down the street with my mate the other day when he says "Hey look theres 2 blokes beating up an old woman over there!"

"Aye", I said, "thats my mother in law."

"Aren't you going to help?" he asked.

I replied "No, 2 should be enough."


Les Dawson

 

[kronkonite]

Kevin Keegan goes into a newcastle barbers and says "can I have a Perm please"

the barber " I wandered lonely as a cloud....."

 

[bluejimmines]

The Americans NASA spent £150 million and reached the outer limits of the universe
Some arab spends £250 million on City and can't get passed Brighton

 

[Danish Blue]

man walks into a flag shop

"Do you sell union flags?"

"Of course" replies the salesman

"what colour" enquires the man

"Red White and Blue"

"OK Ill have 2 blue ones and a red one"

 

[Swales lives]

Kevin Keegan goes into a newcastle barbers and says "can I have a Perm please"

the barber " I wandered lonely as a cloud....."

quality pmsl

 

[sdm]

Paddy and murphy working on a building site.
Paddy says"Fuck this iv'e had enough.I'm going to pretend i'm mad and get the rest of the day off"

Sure enough ,paddy climbs to the rafters hangs upside down and starts shouting"I AM A LIGHT BULB"
The foreman comes along and says"paddy! Get down pack your gear up and go home.Your mad"

No sooner was it said,then murphy starts packing his tools up.Foreman says"murphy were the fuck are you going?"

Murphy says "well i can't work in the dark can i?"

 

[Philbo]

duck goes into a chemist "hello can i have some lip salve please?"

chemist says "yeah sure that's £3.99 please!"

Duck says "thanks just put it on my bill!"

boom boom! x