Bad Gag Thread

Did you hear about the icecream man left unconscious in his van covered head to toe in hundreds and thousands, rasberry sauce and flakes ??





He topped himself!!
 
Saw me girlfriend before, said "ive just got a job in a bowling alley".. "tenpin?" she asked.. "No, permanent" i said!!

Oh yeeeah!!

I went to buy a watch and the bloke at the shop said "Analogue ?" ... I said "No, just a watch thanks"

One more....

My mate is in love with 2 schoolbags.... he's bi-satchel...


Thank you
 
A guy killled himself by jumping in front of a steam train.
He was chuffed to bits.
 
Two midgets are on a night out when two blondes come over and start chatting them up, a few hours later the two midgets get their girls back to their hotel. The first midget however has a problem and can't get it up. Naturally the midget is devastated which is compounded by the noises from next door. All night he can here his friend shouting "1,2,3... HERE I COME".

The next mourning the two midgets meet for breakfast the first midget tells his friend of the problem. The second midget looks at him shakes his head and says "you think thats bad I couldn't even get on the fuckin bed".
 
I crashed into a car last night.
This man got out, he was a dwarf.
He said "I'm not happy you know"
I said "Well who are you then?"
 
Two rags are trying to estimate the hieght of a flag pole a city fan walks past and they explain thier problem. "That simple" he says so he unbolts it lays it down and starts to measure it. "Thick ****" one of the rags says we want the hieght not the length!
 
Two women on thier way homefrom a night out stop in a grave yard for a piss, one wipes with her knickers the other uses a wreath. Thier husbands meet up next day in the pub, one says "I'd better watch my wife she came home with out her knickers last night". The other replies "thats nothing mine came home with a card wedged in her arse saying we will never forget you from all the boys at the fire station".
 
what do you call a man, hoovering his house at midnight, with a kestrel on one shoulder, and a hawk on the other?

hawk kestrel man hoovers in the dark.
 
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