update,
thanks for all the support I've received on this thread, it really does help, a problem shared and all that
my daughter has been in her new home for nearly a month now, me and my wife take it in turns to visit 2/3 times a week so not to overwhelm my daughter.
the place is excellent ,the staff are amazing and she seems to have settled in really well, her sleeping pattern is improving and so is her behaviour according to the reports we have received ,I think we are over our guilt ,although I do have my moments,
cheers all.