classic womanisms your missus has come out with.

[Chris in London]

Daughter (4) comes into front room and looks at the TV to see what I am watching.

Then says "fucking cricket again".

Wonder where she got that one from?

 

[PJMCC1UK]

On a flight back from the good ol' USA last year my wife asked why it took 8 hours to get there but only 6.5 hours back.Was it by any chance because we were going downhill on the way back?

The bloke across the aisle burst out laughing.As did i.For ages.He then told his mate who also burst out laughing.

Sometime later,after i had explained about the gulf stream,the captain came over the tannoy and said something like...'for those of you who are asking the question about why it takes less time to fly from the US to Heathrow than it does the other way around...' and proceded to explain it all.

My wife was strangely quiet for the rest of the trip.

Reminds me of a story on topic but I can't remember whether it was someone I know or just 1 of those stories that went round.

But when they'd returned from their holiday, GF complained to her BF that it had taken them 6 hours to get back from the Bahamas but only taken 2 hours for the American couple they'd met

 

[blue1969]

I was rodding the drains last Sat. Pulled loads of roots out, I said it looks like a birds nest, she comes out with " dont touch it you'll get flee bites"?????????

 

[not my fault!]

I have the best.... My sister asked me once if you could buy a left handed snooker cue!

 

[MikeF]

Apparently i opened a right can of snails once

 

[kinkladze96]

just sat watching the film pelican brief, she says darby shaw(julia roberts character) thats in yorkshire isnt it?

 

[simonk]

years ago whilst putting the xmas decs up my missus wanted me to put some lights around an arched doorway.
With the distance from the plug, they wouldnt stetch all the way round
"Well I want then down either side she said, so you will just have to cut them"

stunned silence

 

[Bigga]

Wife, last night: "We'll have to use the set top box that's under the bed cos this one ain't working. Do you know where it is...?"

"The set top box under the bed?" I asked "No clue...".

True story.

 

[east2]

Phoned the wife from a bar in Shanghai:
Me "Found a bar that's showing the City game live"
Wife "what time is it over there?"
Me "10 o'clock"
Wife "well if it's 10 o'clock on a Saturday night,do you know the score already..."

 

[BlueDean]

I was lied in bed with the ex having returned from the toilet when she asked me "you know when men have a wee, which part of yourself do you have to press to make yourself wee" If I hadnt just been to the loo I think Id of wet the bed laughing, she honestly thought that cos men held there little fella while pissing we were pressing a certain part of it to piss

Oh and the current Misses is adiment Unicorns are real