Churchlawtonblue
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bloody brilliant, that story has made me chuckle.
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Coronavirus (2021) thread
- Thread starter Ric
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Rammy Blue
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Shouldn’t laugh but fuck me that’s horrific.Regards the trots:
For those having breakfast or a nervous disposition please don’t read the following
March 2020, Cheltenham week, I was in Sheffield on a delivery, it was very cold so I had several layers on, farted and followed through.
I stopped the van, climbed in the back to “clean” myself up and the door closed on me, as I was taking my jeans off, the floodgates opened and liquid shit just drained out of me, I couldn’t stop it. I was covered in natures waste. Took my hi viz off, my gilet and jumper to clean myself up. Went to open the door of the van, keys were in the ignition and phone in the cradle and it had locked. Van has a bulk head so no access to the front, I was trapped, shit all over the van ply lined floor.
My only way out was to open the cage on the bulk head and crawl into the front but it was such a small opening I didn’t think I could get through, it was my only option.
As I attempted it the floodgates opened again, nothing I could do. I did make it through, relieved but once again covered in shite. I still had a delivery to make. Got another hi viz and used my notepad to try and clean up. Got the parts out of the van, put them in the customer’s yard, rang the bell and asked them to carry into the factory from about 20 yards away.
Got home, stripped off, full of the brown, it had even run into my work boots which I binned, Mrs H bless her got all my gear and put it in the wash, that was apart from the hi viz involved in the second incident, I discarded that at the side of the road where there was a load of rubbish (I know, fly tipping which I’m ashamed off but not thinking straight). I returned to that company this week and what a surprise the hi viz was still there, picked it up and discarded
Was really ill after that, all the symptoms of Covid but no way of knowing as I couldn’t get in the Docs and the nearest test centre available was Glasgow.
I shudder to think what I would have done if I couldn’t get out of the van, it was an industrial estate on Friday afternoon, worst experience of my life
It was mate, believe me.Shouldn’t laugh but fuck me that’s horrific.
Johnny Mars Bar
Well-Known Member
Regards the trots:
For those having breakfast or a nervous disposition please don’t read the following
March 2020, Cheltenham week, I was in Sheffield on a delivery, it was very cold so I had several layers on, farted and followed through.
I stopped the van, climbed in the back to “clean” myself up and the door closed on me, as I was taking my jeans off, the floodgates opened and liquid shit just drained out of me, I couldn’t stop it. I was covered in natures waste. Took my hi viz off, my gilet and jumper to clean myself up. Went to open the door of the van, keys were in the ignition and phone in the cradle and it had locked. Van has a bulk head so no access to the front, I was trapped, shit all over the van ply lined floor.
My only way out was to open the cage on the bulk head and crawl into the front but it was such a small opening I didn’t think I could get through, it was my only option.
As I attempted it the floodgates opened again, nothing I could do. I did make it through, relieved but once again covered in shite. I still had a delivery to make. Got another hi viz and used my notepad to try and clean up. Got the parts out of the van, put them in the customer’s yard, rang the bell and asked them to carry into the factory from about 20 yards away.
Got home, stripped off, full of the brown, it had even run into my work boots which I binned, Mrs H bless her got all my gear and put it in the wash, that was apart from the hi viz involved in the second incident, I discarded that at the side of the road where there was a load of rubbish (I know, fly tipping which I’m ashamed off but not thinking straight). I returned to that company this week and what a surprise the hi viz was still there, picked it up and discarded
Was really ill after that, all the symptoms of Covid but no way of knowing as I couldn’t get in the Docs and the nearest test centre available was Glasgow.
I shudder to think what I would have done if I couldn’t get out of the van, it was an industrial estate on Friday afternoon, worst experience of my life
So now we know who started the bog roll craze at least.
This story needs a thread of its own.
Gabriel
Well-Known Member
Hardly representative, I know, but in the last week the sheer number of people on here reporting that either they have tested positive or someone in their close circle has, is quite incredible. Pray that you/they all recover swiftly.
ell
Well-Known Member
I know loads off with it at the minute we've had an outbreak at work, family and friends too, thankfully all of them bar one (anti vaxxer,shock) feel a bit "off" the people I know who had delta were bed ridden. Don't want to get carried away but just hoping like fuck it really is a bit milder. We will see.
ayrshire_blue
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- Joined
- 1 May 2008
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- 6,209
We’ve not got kids but we are planning to go to the in laws at the other end of the country, which we had to cancel last year. So understandably me and the mrs (well mostly her) are both wary of catching it between now and Tuesday when we set off.
Aye, don't get me wrong it's not just kids who would miss out at Christmas. It's a great time for a lot of families too, kids or not. Hope all works out for you both (and the in laws).
Gabriel
Well-Known Member
Horrible tale but beautifully recounted. ‘Grandad, what did you do in the Pandemic? Well…”Regards the trots:
For those having breakfast or a nervous disposition please don’t read the following
March 2020, Cheltenham week, I was in Sheffield on a delivery, it was very cold so I had several layers on, farted and followed through.
I stopped the van, climbed in the back to “clean” myself up and the door closed on me, as I was taking my jeans off, the floodgates opened and liquid shit just drained out of me, I couldn’t stop it. I was covered in natures waste. Took my hi viz off, my gilet and jumper to clean myself up. Went to open the door of the van, keys were in the ignition and phone in the cradle and it had locked. Van has a bulk head so no access to the front, I was trapped, shit all over the van ply lined floor.
My only way out was to open the cage on the bulk head and crawl into the front but it was such a small opening I didn’t think I could get through, it was my only option.
As I attempted it the floodgates opened again, nothing I could do. I did make it through, relieved but once again covered in shite. I still had a delivery to make. Got another hi viz and used my notepad to try and clean up. Got the parts out of the van, put them in the customer’s yard, rang the bell and asked them to carry into the factory from about 20 yards away.
Got home, stripped off, full of the brown, it had even run into my work boots which I binned, Mrs H bless her got all my gear and put it in the wash, that was apart from the hi viz involved in the second incident, I discarded that at the side of the road where there was a load of rubbish (I know, fly tipping which I’m ashamed off but not thinking straight). I returned to that company this week and what a surprise the hi viz was still there, picked it up and discarded
Was really ill after that, all the symptoms of Covid but no way of knowing as I couldn’t get in the Docs and the nearest test centre available was Glasgow.
I shudder to think what I would have done if I couldn’t get out of the van, it was an industrial estate on Friday afternoon, worst experience of my life
You’re spot on, I now have a bog roll and a change of clothes in the van, just in case, and I also take my phone out of the cradle, never again hopefully, :-).So now we know who started the bog roll craze at least.
This story needs a thread of its own.
You paint a fascinating picture sir :)Regards the trots:
For those having breakfast or a nervous disposition please don’t read the following
March 2020, Cheltenham week, I was in Sheffield on a delivery, it was very cold so I had several layers on, farted and followed through.
I stopped the van, climbed in the back to “clean” myself up and the door closed on me, as I was taking my jeans off, the floodgates opened and liquid shit just drained out of me, I couldn’t stop it. I was covered in natures waste. Took my hi viz off, my gilet and jumper to clean myself up. Went to open the door of the van, keys were in the ignition and phone in the cradle and it had locked. Van has a bulk head so no access to the front, I was trapped, shit all over the van ply lined floor.
My only way out was to open the cage on the bulk head and crawl into the front but it was such a small opening I didn’t think I could get through, it was my only option.
As I attempted it the floodgates opened again, nothing I could do. I did make it through, relieved but once again covered in shite. I still had a delivery to make. Got another hi viz and used my notepad to try and clean up. Got the parts out of the van, put them in the customer’s yard, rang the bell and asked them to carry into the factory from about 20 yards away.
Got home, stripped off, full of the brown, it had even run into my work boots which I binned, Mrs H bless her got all my gear and put it in the wash, that was apart from the hi viz involved in the second incident, I discarded that at the side of the road where there was a load of rubbish (I know, fly tipping which I’m ashamed off but not thinking straight). I returned to that company this week and what a surprise the hi viz was still there, picked it up and discarded
Was really ill after that, all the symptoms of Covid but no way of knowing as I couldn’t get in the Docs and the nearest test centre available was Glasgow.
I shudder to think what I would have done if I couldn’t get out of the van, it was an industrial estate on Friday afternoon, worst experience of my life
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