Dads with split families.

[Nethermoor]

This is a bit of a vent and in hope to get some solidarity. I don't really need sympathy but wanted to air really and just word vomit my feelings somewhere. So here we are.

I have a 9 year old daughter, who lives full time with her Mum and part time with me. I have her average 3 days a week overnight. She's my world, the love I have for her I can't describe. My now wife/her step Mum doesn't get it (not in a bad way).

This las week we went on Holiday and we came back yesterday. I took her back to her mums. Although she told me she didn't really want to go. She's said it quite a few times recently. But I think it's because we do loads of fun stuff etc.

Anyway, I miss her so much. I always do and it's shit. I was with her Mum until she was 18 months and in that time I saw her every day and night and then went from that to seeing her less. Couple withy the fact she's growing up aswell and I don't think I have many years left of her wanting to spend good time with me.

Guessing it's not wrong to mourn your children growing up? I just wish I saw her everyday.

 

[bluetonium]

My eldest turns thirteen next month. The past year has been really rough, she's determined to not be a child anymore, certainly not daddy's eldest superstar anymore, and as she grows up there are things that she naturally gravitates towards mum for. Her mum has become a bit of a feminist too in recent years, and it all contributes to an endorsed feeling of Dad no longer having a purpose or place. This summer holiday she's made it clear she'd rather stay in bed than do anything together with me and her sister, then Mum rocks up last night and out of the blue whisks her away to the theater on a whim making Dad look like a shitpile and Mum look like a superstar.

Neither her or her mum gets it, but there certainly is something to be said about the loss for a parent or father as their child grows up. Luckily I still have an eight year old who really appreciates the time with Dad, especially as older sister doesn't want to play as much any more.

I live in hope of her gaining some balance, some oversight, and showing a bit of appreciation here and there. But then I remember I was that age once too, and I could be a right git, so what goes around comes around I guess.

 

[Kippax77]

This is a bit of a vent and in hope to get some solidarity. I don't really need sympathy but wanted to air really and just word vomit my feelings somewhere. So here we are.

I have a 9 year old daughter, who lives full time with her Mum and part time with me. I have her average 3 days a week overnight. She's my world, the love I have for her I can't describe. My now wife/her step Mum doesn't get it (not in a bad way).

This las week we went on Holiday and we came back yesterday. I took her back to her mums. Although she told me she didn't really want to go. She's said it quite a few times recently. But I think it's because we do loads of fun stuff etc.

Anyway, I miss her so much. I always do and it's shit. I was with her Mum until she was 18 months and in that time I saw her every day and night and then went from that to seeing her less. Couple withy the fact she's growing up aswell and I don't think I have many years left of her wanting to spend good time with me.

Guessing it's not wrong to mourn your children growing up? I just wish I saw her everyday.

You've brought back memories for me of going through similar 20 yrs ago.
It really hardened me back then but you just keep at it and it will all work itself out.

 

[bluethrunthru]

I cannot even imagine how you feel as I have never gone through it - I was happy me and the first wife had no kids in the 8 years we were married. Since then having seen the shit friends have gone though over their kids - not all malicious by all means more just the extra drain on your resources and your mental health made me happy I swerved it albeit by accident. Rest assured Blues although I have never gone through it you have my utmost respect and support

 

[Stoned Rose]

PM’d you mate.

 

[Stoned Rose]

My eldest turns thirteen next month. The past year has been really rough, she's determined to not be a child anymore, certainly not daddy's eldest superstar anymore, and as she grows up there are things that she naturally gravitates towards mum for. Her mum has become a bit of a feminist too in recent years, and it all contributes to an endorsed feeling of Dad no longer having a purpose or place. This summer holiday she's made it clear she'd rather stay in bed than do anything together with me and her sister, then Mum rocks up last night and out of the blue whisks her away to the theater on a whim making Dad look like a shitpile and Mum look like a superstar.

Neither her or her mum gets it, but there certainly is something to be said about the loss for a parent or father as their child grows up. Luckily I still have an eight year old who really appreciates the time with Dad, especially as older sister doesn't want to play as much any more.

I live in hope of her gaining some balance, some oversight, and showing a bit of appreciation here and there. But then I remember I was that age once too, and I could be a right git, so what goes around comes around I guess.

Mine’s nearly 14 now. She began to “step away” as soon as she went to high school and it’s very hard to handle when you’ve been a very involved, present dad.

We have to let them do it though. They have to grow up, as shit as that is.

 

[Worzel Gummidge#9]

This is a bit of a vent and in hope to get some solidarity. I don't really need sympathy but wanted to air really and just word vomit my feelings somewhere. So here we are.

I have a 9 year old daughter, who lives full time with her Mum and part time with me. I have her average 3 days a week overnight. She's my world, the love I have for her I can't describe. My now wife/her step Mum doesn't get it (not in a bad way).

This las week we went on Holiday and we came back yesterday. I took her back to her mums. Although she told me she didn't really want to go. She's said it quite a few times recently. But I think it's because we do loads of fun stuff etc.

Anyway, I miss her so much. I always do and it's shit. I was with her Mum until she was 18 months and in that time I saw her every day and night and then went from that to seeing her less. Couple withy the fact she's growing up aswell and I don't think I have many years left of her wanting to spend good time with me.

Guessing it's not wrong to mourn your children growing up? I just wish

Your situation is very similar to mine mate, even the age of our daughters and when we split up from their mums. I can definitely understand where you are coming but in the same breath we will always be the father to our kids, we will always be there, we will always love them, and they will know this. I know what you mean about not seeing them everyday and it still bothers me now but we still see each other every week and have done since me and her mum split up.

 

[burning blue soul]

The sad reality is that the child they were no longer exists.
You have the pleasure of knowing that incarnation of your child for such a fleeting moment. Then they transform into another version of themselves that you can (if all goes to plan) enjoy all over again.
I look back at my sons when they were young, and I know I will never see them again in that stage of life. But, they are men now and I am very proud of them.
There is adaption to be made on both sides. Parents fight to protect their kids and kids fight to be independent.

 

[Tuearts right boot]

Just be there for her. First and foremost.

 

[Bluesince1979]

I have a 23 year old son from my first marriage. I split from his mum when he was 6 but i am very close to him
I just ensured i carried on doing all the things we did together. So if i took him school on a monday morning i still did that , if i took him footy training on a thurs i still did that .
It was tough, i missed him, but i just made sure we did great things together, whilst still being his dad, and not his mate , if that makes sense.
I also never slagged his mum off in front of him.

Now hes a man he says me and his mum made what could have been a tough time for him ok!