Daft questions and your answer or what you should have said

[Fiftyyearsandcounting]

Surely the answer should be "about 28 foot" or "28 foot give or take" as both "about" and "give or take" imply a degree of uncertainty.

Shirley it should be "feet"?

 

[Tuearts right boot]

In the days of smoking in pubs....
"Have you got a match, luv"
"Not since Errol Flynn died"

Your face, my arse...... was a classic reply.

 

[Citizen of Legoland]

How long will tea be?
5 inches. Its a sausage.

Well funny.

In a similar vein ...

Q: Can you put the kettle on?
A: No, I couldn't fit in it.

 

[BeerIsTheBest]

Remember as a small kid my old fella was a manager in the civil service.
There was a top 20 list of complaints that was bizarre from members of the public to the council.
Always remember reading it and one that always stuck out was ,
" I have a broken knob on my cooker and now I can't get channel 4" .
Also " I have cracked flags in my front garden and now I am pregnant " .

MMA
The cracked flags one is a belter. In my early working years the Union at a factory I looked after in East Mcr used to pitch the benefits of membership. These included the fact someone signing up would only have to wait on average 3 years before benefiting from an injury claim.

Claims were highly imaginative and one was for unplanned pregnancy! A FLT asserted that she had become pregnant coz the factory floor was uneven and had displaced her anti pregnancy device and gel.

The joint winner was a fractured leg where the claimant had actually suffered the injury playing Sunday football. He apparently drunk through the pain and was carried into the factory Monday, early shift and an ‘accident’ staged. All caught on factory cameras.

Crazy, happy days.

 

[Mad Eyed Screamer]

There's one I use that usually gets a laugh at the checkout when they finally get it, is when buying a bottle of wine and the checkout woman (its always a woman) asks "would you like this in a bag?
"No thanks, I prefer it in a glass"

 

[East Level 2]

Shirley it should be "feet"?

It should but people often use foot rather than feet. A person might be described as a six-footer, never a six-feeter.

 

[MCFC Wirral]

-Don’t come running to me if you break your leg.

That was in response to climbing something or trying to do stunts on a bike.

 

[mancboy]

It should but people often use foot rather than feet. A person might be described as a six-footer, never a six-feeter.

maybe they are from wigan and can be a six toer

 

[give it to gordon]

Not really a question but it gets confused looks from the staff !

I use a bakery to get a buttie I ask for 'ham and tomato on brown please'.

The lady makes and says ' ham and tomato on brown' I say 'oh no I meant tomato and ham on brown'

Its childish I know but the look of confusion on their face for that split second is funny !