Dating site experiences and shock horror meetings!

Oh I've had a few funny ones. One particular story my mates like to have a good laugh at though.

After ending my four year relationship, It took me a while to get my confidence back. Having been with someone for so long (I'm only 22) I had fucking no idea how to chat up a girl or even know if she'd like me. Anyway, I went on tinder (Yeah I know). So I was talking to this girl for about a week, we were getting on and both just said we wanted a bit of fun. Which suited me. We exchange pictures and she looked decent, big tits, nice hair and all that. Anyway, one night she said she was the designated driver and was going out to town, and asked if I wanted to go. I was with my mates at the pub, so I said sorry not tonight. Get home from the pub around 11:30 and she messaged again saying she's happy to pick me up. So after quite a few pints I thought fuck it, so she picked me up.

Her friend was in the front seat, so I went into the back. Obviously pitch black, and got talking in the car. Got to this club and we all step out of her car. I turn around to see her, and fucking hell. She was a fat short girl and her skirt looked like it had been stretched to fit a fucking whale. I was thinking "Well Lewis, you fucked up".

I ain't a shallow person at all, but I felt embarrassed going into the club with her. Anyway, I decided fuck it I'll just get drunk and forget I even met her in the morning. About an hour into the night, I see another girl who I've been messaging on tinder as well. Long story short, I hook up with her and leave this girl crying on the dancefloor.

She sent me a message the day after and said I was a ****, but then said she wanted to meet up with me again. Yeah, that didn't happen.


Another story, I won't make it long, but I went to another tinder girls house twice. The second time she told me she had a surprise for me. She brought out a little hand made bag, and a note on it. I thought it was a little weird but thought it could be something cute. I look in this little bag and there were little hand made golden stars in there. I laughed at first, but when I saw her face she was being serious. I asked what they were for and she said "These are how many times you've made me cum, each time you get a little star. After 10, you get a treat". So I was thinking it was fucking weird, but then thought fuck yes, smash that back door in.

So I stay the night, and she tells me her mum is coming to visit her from another state in the morning. And should get to hers around 10am. So I said I'd leave at 9 just to be safe. We didn't set an alarm and just like the films, her mum turned up and knocked on the door. Had to climb out of her window to escape. Not realising I'd left my keys in her house, I had to knock on the door and pretend I was her room mates boyfriend.

Didn't see her again either.
 
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I used to have quite a long profile about myself and what kind of lady I was looking for, yet I still got asked dumb questions as they(some) hadn't read properly. So I deleted it and replaced with a rather apt poem I wrote as to try and deter the ones that needed weighing on cattle scales.

POF poem

Fake tanned pseudo muscle men, if that's what you're seeking I ain't one of them.
Not looking for Barbie so I'm not your Ken, but I'm not pipe n' slippers or in bed for ten

I don't pose my pecs on the beaches of Bali, or waffle the spec of my bright red Ferrari.
I'm no knight in shining armour boasting 10" jousting pole, and i don't want a notch on your bedpost, that isn't my goal.

I prefer a filly with pep and vigour, yet calm at a canter, not a cantankerous old nag that can't take my banter.

I do watch TV but soaps aren't for me, prefer to watch programmes on Discovery.

So If TV's your life and you've let yourself go, more comfy in life as a couch potato. Then fine it's no problem, I don't think I'm your man, as I don't fancy pulling a small caravan.

I'm an angler for one fish on this POF lake, so if i do hook you, be honest be real, please never be fake.

So who am i after, well that's a good question, genuine ladylike sexy affection

I know that she's out there and just right for me, but where i don't know yet, still sweet mystery...


I still got the fridge raiders duping me to meet up!
 
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The fat fuckers will see it as more of a challenge to shag you mate, like when a bloke says he's gay you always get birds who think its a badge of honour to 'convert' them.
 
Fuck me you shallow set of cunts. Girls big or small need looking after. Everybody has feelings you know, it's a crying shame posters on here think they're all porn stars when in theory we all know they have tiny dicks. I bet half of you drive an audi don't you!! Shocking behaviour.
 
That poem of yours, Bluemoonrisin, is probably only going to attract women with big feet or a forehead the size of a wok.
What happened to miss tefal 2016 anyway? I knew she'd took a raincheck on your proposed date but was that it?
 
manimanc said:
Fuck me you shallow set of cunts. Girls big or small need looking after. Everybody has feelings you know, it's a crying shame posters on here think they're all porn stars when in theory we all know they have tiny dicks. I bet half of you drive an audi don't you!! Shocking behaviour.
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Tbh mate I've always had a small cock but generally by the time a lady finds this out its too late. I've had my fun, wiped it on the curtains and fucked off. I share your dismay at the attitude of some posters and suggest you try using fanny wipes.
 
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