Dating site experiences and shock horror meetings!

[Blue Smarties]

I know the rules but I shall not be abiding by them. Nice lass, knows how to take a joke. She has schizophrenia and I asked her if she'd gone back to work yet. She said no. Then I asked her the same question again. James said "she's just said no" I said I know, I was asking both of her. Mrs Stony called me an arsehole but everyone else thought it was funny.

Hahahah you're a twat! Love it.

 

[mancityvstoke]

A womans view:

I'm not sure when it happened to me.........'the desperation thing'. Possibly it began when I was 12 and Karen Attwell got all the attention from the guys, I was left with the guys mates who more often than not were Bruce Forsythe's love children (I mean they were ugly). Around that time I became grateful for any man without a squint and acne and considered myself very lucky for their attentions, subsequently going on to have formidable relationships with a variety of inappropriate little guys (in every sense).


The desperation manifested itself to new depths when I turned 46. I had read in Magazines, observed via TV and listened to Radio programmes about how people met on the Internet. Well, up until then I had not found anyone half decent who would have me - 'what a wonderful idea' I thought. So I stuck on my piccies and wrote a lovely ditty about how wonderful I was, how sophisticated I am, and how choosy I can be. The problem was the men who contacted me were either unable to read, had personality disorders, or worse still - were Americans with quiffs; but at least I was getting attention.


When the 'desperation' becomes really bad you become addicted - you 'log in' during the middle of the night, sneakily during lunch hour at work, and sometimes pop into an internet cafe - just to see if Bruce Forsyth himself is online. You then happily accept date after date after date....... with Ronnie Corbett, Ken Dodd, Buddy Love (before the pills) and Albert Dolittle (you won't know him), the addiction becomes at it's most painful when you convince yourself that you just have to have that second date with Rula Lenska (a woman who looks like a man); and from then on it's all down hill.


So as you can see - if you contact me you will realise I'm addicted to dating with ugly men off the Internet, a 'Serial Dater' no less. I will struggle to fit you in to my diary and when we meet, I will be busy answering text and making calls in the toilet, you in return will use every opportunity to steal a glimpse of the fast and furious texts vibrating away on your mobile, Gerty Braithwaite, Enid Slothberry and Mona Bloomingdale; all of them sending suggestive, saucy text and photo's in full pose, possibly they will be bearing two little pancake breast elevated by a wonderbra and underlined by heavy duty reinforced stockings, your heart will be beating like a pidgeon flapping to get out of a cage - As I return from the 'ladies' you will look like a rabbit caught in the headlights and pretend to delight in my company, pupils dilated and face flushed I will knowingly smile, for I too have been oggling piccies of Ronnie Corbetts body , my heart like a lost sparrow flapping eagerly for the next wanton piccie. We will smile and touch hands pretending to flirt - sending ridiculously juvenille glances.


People will sneakily look our way and know how we met, for when an internet couple have their first date there are so many clues that give it away. Too much deodorant, over plucked eyebrows, best Sunday dress on a Wednesday afternoon (and that's just the guys), and the greatest giveaway of all - the gentle first kiss on meeting (which NO happy couple ever feels the need to do) ; but our date will all be in vain. Too much choice, too many offers, over abundance of emails and an addiction to 'You have mail' will have caused dateaholic syndrome. And indeed, our brains will be indoctrinated into spending the rest of our lives in search of that better date.
And that my friend is why no one is in a relationship anymore - because internet dating turns us into addictive freaks.....scavenging and eeking out our mate, and then a better mate, and then OMG and even better mate. Eventually we will meet that elusive soul mate, However, when we have our first argument we will both run away from one another clambering for our fix - rejoining the dating sites, desperately seeking a better, younger, happier improvement of one another (unless we are sneakily doing that behind one another’s back anyway).

GOVT HEALTH WARNING:- the above is to be totally disregarded in relation to the woman in the profile. The lady in the profile is indeed quite the opposite to any of the people as described above.

 

[BlueMoonRisin’]

If you don't mind shagging a bloater, get yourself down to slimming world. It's full of chubby women who's self esteem is really low. You could get a shag there no problem.

I met a Leeds lass in 06 IIRC, she lived in Blackpool at the time. Bigger than average but her 36G boobs had my attention. So I went back to hers after a drink and we went to bed and she unleashed her bra, I thought 2 seal pups had fallen out, nipples like 2 quarter pound burgers. I saw her a few times as her fun bags were comforting. When she went to the bathroom, I put one of her cups on my head and took a selfie. I had to laugh as I looked like a fuckin Beekeeper lol.

Distance was a killer though, but I duly thanked her for the mammaries(sorry memories).

 

[BlueMoonRisin’]

@bluemoon risin' needs to grab some screenshots off tinder to receive the fair and unbiased wisdom of the forum or this thread is no help.

Never been on tinder HC. I'm not after another notch on the bedpost, had enough of them.

 

[BlueMoonRisin’]

I know the rules but I shall not be abiding by them. Nice lass, knows how to take a joke. She has schizophrenia and I asked her if she'd gone back to work yet. She said no. Then I asked her the same question again. James said "she's just said no" I said I know, I was asking both of her. Mrs Stony called me an arsehole but everyone else thought it was funny.

Quality Stony

 

[Paul Lake's Left Knee]

Never been on tinder HC. I'm not after another notch on the bedpost, had enough of them.

Mr Lover Lover

 

[BlueMoonRisin’]

@BimboBob. I might be perceived as quite fussy, but I'm far from Adonis like. That said, I've never won a gurning competition with bog seat around my head; )

If/when there's another BM meet up, I'll try and attend as I've heard they're a good laugh and some characters, you being one of them Bimbo.

 

[Yates]

I met a Leeds lass in 06 IIRC, she lived in Blackpool at the time. Bigger than average but her 36G boobs had my attention. So I went back to hers after a drink and we went to bed and she unleashed her bra, I thought 2 seal pups had fallen out, nipples like 2 quarter pound burgers. I saw her a few times as her fun bags were comforting. When she went to the bathroom, I put one of her cups on my head and took a selfie. I had to laugh as I looked like a fuckin Beekeeper lol.

Distance was a killer though, but I duly thanked her for the mammaries(sorry memories).

Jesus Christ hahaha! Should just dedicate a thread to your sexual encounters.

 

[BlueTG]

I haven't but I know a guy that does. He reckons there's lots out there with rich husbands with a limp dick and they are gagging for it.n

Why don't you learn his trick with these ladies, then share as my *ahem* mate wants to know

 

[Dave Ewing's Back 'eader]

I met a Leeds lass in 06 IIRC, she lived in Blackpool at the time. Bigger than average but her 36G boobs had my attention. So I went back to hers after a drink and we went to bed and she unleashed her bra, I thought 2 seal pups had fallen out, nipples like 2 quarter pound burgers. I saw her a few times as her fun bags were comforting. When she went to the bathroom, I put one of her cups on my head and took a selfie. I had to laugh as I looked like a fuckin Beekeeper lol.
a;
Distance was a killer though, but I duly thanked her for the mammaries(sorry memories).

I'm cryin' laughing' and Mrs. Ewing has just asked me what I was laughing at. It's alright, she's laughing, too!