Depression

[Man_City_Loyal]

What works for one doesn’t work for others.

very true

 

[Marklr]

Fuck.

 

[Bigga]

I've finally reached out for help.

I've been carrying quite a lot on my shoulders recently. I've not enjoyed work for around 2 years as I spoke at length about last week.

On top of that, three toddlers in the family were in hospital last week and I couldn't do anything to help or even get to see them.

On Wednesday, I erupted over a minor issue at one of my kids. It wasn't too bad an explosion but immediately afterwards, I felt guilty. The missus was at work and I went to bed at 8 at night and cried myself to sleep.

Usually, I wake up and apart from feeling guilty, I wonder what the fuck was wrong with me the night before. This time though, I had no motivation to look at my phone, to get out of bed or to do anything.

The missus was worried and repeatedly asked me to talk but every time I tried, I was crying again. I took Thursday and Friday off and spoke to a few friends over the weekend, one who has always suffered in similar ways to me but is probably worse than me.

I had a phone consultation with a doctor today and he's given me a sick note. He suggested counselling but I told him that I'd been anxious about talking to him all weekend and find it easier to talk to friends. I approached the subject of medication but he seemed reluctant. I explained what goes on - my highs are too high and my lows are like a tailspin. I also find it impossible to sleep quite often as things buzz around in my head and I overthink things.

He got quite sarcastic and said "It sounds like you're looking for a tablet to solve all of life's problems."

They wonder why people find it so hard to talk and open up. He said to phone back with the name of the medication my friend is on - it's the lowest dosage but she said it just "takes the edge off her highs and lows". I've done that and told the receptionist and asked if a prescription can be sorted.

I've got two weeks on a sick note and my friend said it took about 10 days for her to get used to being on them. I'd like to use the two weeks to see how I feel on them.

If I don't get this prescription and have to go back through the system and another appointment with a different doctor, I'm going to write a letter of complaint about him.

Forgive me, but I'm reading from a point I've been absent, so may hit upon a point already made or one you may not react well to.

I really hate doing or saying this because I've been on tabs(as I am now), but I really wish I wasn't.

I say this with respect for your emotions because all of us on here have been in very similar situations.

It was easy for Docs to put me on meds and I kind of wish I had a Doc like yours as similar to his assertion, I wanted talking therapy.

I can only go off my experience as your life would be different to mine, but the traits are very similar in some respects.

For me, I bottled A LOT of shit up and I mean a LOT. So much so that I, actually, feared talking to anyone, because I didn't know what would come out. I didn't trust myself to not be brutal with my truth and despair, not to sound psychotic and suicidal, so you just lock it away and keep the tightest leash on those feelings.

It becomes easier to lie to yourself as well as others.

People could and should tell you not to rely on tabs as their a comfortable band aid. You should try and face whatever demons you have and accept and embrace them. I took over 20 years to face mine, another 10 on tabs before I wanted to change things.

I'm, now, periodically off them as I try to seek some sort of balance. I don't want you to be like most of us here, being in denial and then fearful of release as it becomes a millstone to drag you down.

Friends are great, but you really need someone to hold up that mirror, who's not there to hold your hand, but let go make you swim. YOU have to swim and don't cling to the friendly buoys that surround you as, after all, their journey is not yours or ours on the board. Yours is your own and nobody will swim that same journey.

So please speak and set that millstone down for a while as early as possible. Accept the things you can't change and have the courage to change the things you can.

Good luck, Brother, I don't ever want to see someone else in this hellish place.

Sorry for the train of thought ramble!

 

[PinkFinal]

For some reason I get more depressed in summer than winter.
I felt awful this morning despite the fact there were two big games on TV, with Lancs v Yorks too , and the sun was shining for once.
I'm thinking of coming off antidepressants, the weight gain has become a real problem.
I'm not sure they've made any difference. I guess I'll find out.

 

[PinkFinal]

I've been reading up about the effects of long-term depression on the physical health of the brain and it doesn't make for pretty reading.
I have a relative who is a musician and does singing groups for people suffering mental distress. It is very good therapy apparently. I may get involved in this and also regular swimming.

 

[andyhinch]

Strange how it hits you

 

[ob]

Strange how it hits you

I really feel I know it's on it's way for day or 2 before and adamant it's not happening. It's almost like a dark cloud I can see on the horizon and can't stop it. Usually lasts from a day to as long as few weeks. I just want to be alone, no interest in anything. Can't be arsed reading, watching TV, listening to music even chatting to others. Just sit in silence with my other half gabbing away in my ear. I just mumble yea or I know etc etc. Anything to let her know I'm kind of listening and for her not to question me.

 

[andyhinch]

I really feel I know it's on it's way for day or 2 before and adamant it's not happening. It's almost like a dark cloud I can see on the horizon and can't stop it. Usually lasts from a day to as long as few weeks. I just want to be alone, no interest in anything. Can't be arsed reading, watching TV, listening to music even chatting to others. Just sit in silence with my other half gabbing away in my ear. I just mumble yea or I know etc etc. Anything to let her know I'm kind of listening and for her not to question me.

Same here, you know it’s on the horizon, was ready to jump of a bridge on Wednesday, but it passes.

 

[N1985]

I go to bed one person and wake up a completely different one. Few days off now to try and reset and get my equilibrium sorted.

 

[BrianW]

I forgot to take my minimum dose mirtazapine tablet the other night. Fuck me, Not only could I not get off to sleep for hours, I fell into a really black mood and lay there working out ways to top myself.

It is terrifying to think that such a tiny tablet makes such a difference. I am back in my proper senses now, but I wonder if I will ever get off this pill.