Depression

[DrBlueBob]

really - thats odd because it comes up on your reply to me. Anyway I used the FB version because its slightly longer but here's the tweet -

That's powerful. It says so much much by saying nothing.

Be well my fellow Blues.

 

[Northernstorirs]

I’d been thinking long and hard about posting about my depression, I thought maybe to bump the ‘let’s talk’ thread and put it on there...
I’ve suffered with anxiety and depression since my teens and am now 50. I take my medication (Venlafaxine 225mg) and have had periods of good highs and terrible lows. At the moment I’m in a trough so deep that I’m terrified I’ll never get out. My marriage is ending (my third but the first woman I’ve truly loved) and it’s incredibly hard to accept. The house has to be sold and then I’m going to have to rent as we have no money as such and I earn £20k a year so a mortgage is off the table. It terrifies me thinking I’m going to have to try and survive on my wage and paying close to £600 a month rent. Add to that my dad is slowly dying from Parkinson’s. He can’t walk or feed himself, he is incontinent at both ends and then cries because he’s so embarrassed, my mum is refusing outside carers and trying to care for him herself driving herself towards a stroke or heart attack. She rings me telling me how hard they are finding it all and I just feel so helpless and a shit son cos I’m not able to be there and help.
I spend all my time worrying about them or how I’m going to survive and rebuild my life in the new year and it’s made me an absolute mess! I can’t eat, if I sleep I have nightmares, I’ve been drinking too much (recently got control of that) and I can’t control my emotions any more. I cry at the slightest thing, my hands shake so bad I can barely take patients bloods at work and the thought that keeps whirling round my head is “life wasn’t supposed to be this way!” Ten years ago when I met my wife I thought “that’s it, I’ve finally found the one I was hoping to meet and life will finally be good”.

Depression is like a really heavy, cold and black blanket that’s been thrown over me and I just can’t get it off me. I’ve lost interest in football, music, everything really. I’ve even been wishing I could catch Covid just so it could all end. How shameful is that?!

I am sorry to hear this pal but it's good you have spoken talk about it. You are a really strong and kind person and doing a great job to manage a tough situation.

Here if you need to PM at any time.

 

[somapop]

Very sorry to read some of the most recent posts on here.

BLUEYESTU, you seem to have an awful lot on your plate right, a kind of tsunami of adverse life events. Anyone would find it difficult to deal with your present circumstances, I reckon. So it's important to cut yourself some slack and not be excessively self-accusatory on top of everything else.

I would also definitely have a word with your GP about what's been going on. If you can't see them personally, a telephone consultation should be possible. Perhaps an adjustment to the dosage of your medication might be required. They might also be able to prescribe a short course of something to help with the insomnia.

Moving on, the reason I am I back here and quoting myself is because I'm now doing a bit better. Not great (I'm not turning cartwheels or anything). Just better.

Many years ago I developed very severe tinnitus and became suicidal with it. What got me beyond that was taking up the practice of Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT), which is a form of meditation. There's a standard 8 week programme that is described in the relevant literature.

It took me three attempts to get to the end of the eight weeks, by which time the practice has usually become established. What got me to turn the corner was that there was a moment when I began to distance myself from the habitual clusters of thoughts and emotions surrounding tinnitus, to not identify with them quite so closely or be overwhelmed by them. And from then on things got better (not the tinnitus, just my ability to manage it).

Fast forward to a year ago and the emergence of other chronic symptoms plus retirement derailed everything once again. One consequence of this is that I started to drink heavily at times.

I don't want to overstate things but in the last few weeks I have got things back on track by re-establishing a daily MBCT practice again.

Don't want to make this reply too long so I'll just state that that MBCT is not snake oil. It has been approved for clinical practice by NICE. As far as I know, the practice is not incompatible with taking SSRI's (though I never did).

It can be self-taught from a cheap paperback. So here are links to some of the best publications. I have read all of them and can couch for them.

Mindfulness and depression



Mindfulness and anxiety



Mindfulness and self-compassion (with a section on insomnia)



Any one of the above should help, though the first title is the best one.

The 8 week programme is set out in the most detail here:



My older edition looks more at chronic pain. I just applied the protocol to tinnitus. It also has a brief section on insomnia.

One last thing: I am definitely not evangelical about this approach. It's not a panacea. But I have immersed myself very deeply in the literature. The titles I have mentioned are just the tip of the iceberg.

With one or two caveats, I am personally convinced that it can be clinically effective. Plus, the method is clearly explained in inexpensive paperbacks. So you don't have to pay a counsellor or wait for 18 months on the NHS to bet to see one.

My GP is also supportive. He practises something that, in Japanese, is called 'shikantaza'. To cut to the chase, shikantaza is probably best described as a stripped down, no frills form of mindfulness.

Anyway, hope this post helps in some way.

Some good links there.
Will look into 'shikantaza'.
I suppose we can also find ways of meditating (oddly I find a meditation state in running or doing long walks at night).
But these are age old systems you posted above and I've definitely felt better by training the mind (and these experiences do make the mind tougher if you allow it). Thanks for the links: something I will pursue.

 

[LangleyBlue1970]

A friend of many friends of mine killed herself over the weekend. Her face I knew, but never to talk to but it turns out many of my friends know her. Her recent facebook posts all positive, from what people have shared. Looking forward to Christmas, seeing her grandchildren and all in all very positive. On Saturday she left a post on facebook saying her goodbye's and set herself on fire. Died at the scene. What people have shared about her since - well she certainly had a lot of love. Nobody can understand what she was battling with, and how it appears she has done this totally off the cuff. As I say, I didn't know the lady, but for me and many others it has hit hard. She must have been battling things nobody knew about to have done that to herself.
As has been said on here plenty, people need to talk, check up on each other and look after one another.

 

[BLUEYESTU]

A friend of many friends of mine killed herself over the weekend. Her face I knew, but never to talk to but it turns out many of my friends know her. Her recent facebook posts all positive, from what people have shared. Looking forward to Christmas, seeing her grandchildren and all in all very positive. On Saturday she left a post on facebook saying her goodbye's and set herself on fire. Died at the scene. What people have shared about her since - well she certainly had a lot of love. Nobody can understand what she was battling with, and how it appears she has done this totally off the cuff. As I say, I didn't know the lady, but for me and many others it has hit hard. She must have been battling things nobody knew about to have done that to herself.
As has been said on here plenty, people need to talk, check up on each other and look after one another.

We should never underestimate just how important it can be to send a simple “how you doing mate?” text to a friend who suffers with depression. I have one good friend (he’s a dipper but I forgive him of that) and we both suffer from what we call ‘The Crazy’. Once a week we check in on each other and we try to meet up when we can. Last time was the anniversary of his father’s suicide (my mate found his dad hanging in the shed as a child) so we just sat in a park with a bottle of whisky and put the world to rights; football included :-) He got through that day and now he’s helping me while I’m at my lowest.
If any of you know someone who’s alone or struggling, especially in the run up to Xmas just take the time to reach out. It could make all the difference.

 

[DrBlueBob]

We should never underestimate just how important it can be to send a simple “how you doing mate?” text to a friend who suffers with depression. I have one good friend (he’s a dipper but I forgive him of that) and we both suffer from what we call ‘The Crazy’. Once a week we check in on each other and we try to meet up when we can. Last time was the anniversary of his father’s suicide (my mate found his dad hanging in the shed as a child) so we just sat in a park with a bottle of whisky and put the world to rights; football included :-) He got through that day and now he’s helping me while I’m at my lowest.
If any of you know someone who’s alone or struggling, especially in the run up to Xmas just take the time to reach out. It could make all the difference.

Cheers, just done that.

 

[somapop]

A friend of many friends of mine killed herself over the weekend. Her face I knew, but never to talk to but it turns out many of my friends know her. Her recent facebook posts all positive, from what people have shared. Looking forward to Christmas, seeing her grandchildren and all in all very positive. On Saturday she left a post on facebook saying her goodbye's and set herself on fire. Died at the scene. What people have shared about her since - well she certainly had a lot of love. Nobody can understand what she was battling with, and how it appears she has done this totally off the cuff. As I say, I didn't know the lady, but for me and many others it has hit hard. She must have been battling things nobody knew about to have done that to herself.
As has been said on here plenty, people need to talk, check up on each other and look after one another.

That's really awful news.
I always smile and say hello to everyone I pass in the street/on a dog walk these days. You never know how much that can lift someone.
I was feeling pretty low the other evening and this lovely female runner gave me this big beam and instantly lifted me for the whole evening (beam as in smile...not a huge wooden lintel).

I return these back to the world. You can never tell how someone is feeling just by their facade.
I never look glum when I'm out and about and have a cheery persona (I love how humour can open doors), but underneath that I can be feeling extraordinary low.

 

[Tim of the Oak]

There is a lot of sadness about.

I am just keeping as busy as possible. I’m doing some DIY in between volunteer gardening. I’m trying to keep
In touch with peole who I think might be a bit down or lonely.

 

[BLUEYESTU]

Well after my post the other night I got a phone call today at work to say my dads had a stroke and is in hospital.
2020 can go and fuck itself as far as I’m concerned!

 

[DrBlueBob]

Well after my post the other night I got a phone call today at work to say my dads had a stroke and is in hospital.
2020 can go and fuck itself as far as I’m concerned!

FFS. It doesn't rain but it pours.
Feel for you Blue. Hope your Pa is ok.