Examples of stupidity.

Sid C said:
Many years ago me and the missies were in Tangier when she saw a crappy bangle in a shop. She reluctantly agreed to try haggling herself and I told her to offer a quarter of the price and definitely don’t go over half the price.
The shopkeeper asked for 5 dirham, she offered him 7 dirham and after 10 minutes of hysterics she managed to haggle him down to the original 5 dirhams.
Click to expand...

Susannah Hoffs or one of the other ones?
 
Hard to beat my sister-in-law's daughter. On hearing a sat-nav speaking instructions she said "Oh this would be great for blind drivers".

And one New Year's Eve, she was doing Auld Lang Syne, with hands crossed as usual. She said to her pal "I love your watch. Where did you get it?" to which her friend replied "That's your watch".
 
Prestwich_Blue said:
Hard to beat my sister-in-law's daughter. On hearing a sat-nav speaking instructions she said "Oh this would be great for blind drivers".

And one New Year's Eve, she was doing Auld Lang Syne, with hands crossed as usual. She said to her pal "I love your watch. Where did you get it?" to which her friend replied "That's your watch".
Click to expand...
Now that is funny
 
once had to explain to a 30 year old colleague what stars were, to this day I'm not sure she believed me but the look on her face will haunt me for ever
 
There's a local character on my old estate who was the end result of a Big Bang style collision between too many uppers and too many downers. I am convinced he crawled out of the dust of the explosion.

He lived in a maisonette on my sister's road and all the flats had a little ground floor built in shed. Local scallies used to get into this bloke's flat when he was out via the shed and would move all his furniture around to fuck with his head. As a prevention method the stupid fucker nailed a latch bang in the middle of his door with nothing to latch it onto and the kids could still get in his flat.
 
The Plumber told me a good story about the next-door neighbour. He'd fitted a brand new gas fire for them, one with the fake looking coals, and the thick fucker threw a load of rubbish into it to burn thinking it was a real coal fire. Needless to say the fire was a write-off.
 
Watching City against Bournemouth 2/3 years ago in a bar in Greece (the game their left back scored that peach). I think we were the early kick off if I remember correctly, anyway the Mrs asked "are you gonna let everyone back home know the score with us being 2 hours ahead of them?"

Wasted a perfectly good beer spitting it all over myself. I'm still not convinced she knows how time works.
 
r.soleofsalford said:
I was talking to a young woman at a bus stop in Romiley and suddenly she pointed to some tall trees on the other side of the road. Look, she said, "there is a monkey up that tree". Monkey, I said. What makes you think its a monkey. she said, "it had a bushy tail".

As bushy a tail as say a squirrel, I said. 8-)

Yes I married her.
Click to expand...
My daughter once saw a big herring gull land on the flat roof outside her office window. Her manager (her manager mind) called out "Ooh look! There's a dodo!"
 
Murph said:
The Plumber told me a good story about the next-door neighbour. He'd fitted a brand new gas fire for them, one with the fake looking coals, and the thick fucker threw a load of rubbish into it to burn thinking it was a real coal fire. Needless to say the fire was a write-off.
Click to expand...


My mum did that, several times, granted she did have dementia.
 
The first Mrs laser went to a pre-natal clinic where all the women were asked to bring a mid stream sample to the next clinic. The one next to her piped up "We haven't got stream near us". The staff explained to her what a mid stream sample was and she nodded.

At the next clinic she turned up with a 1 litre Corona glass bottle full of piss.
 
dickie davies said:
About 25 years ago I went to a christmas gig at the GMEX, the first band being The Village People and as it was Christmas everyone was pretty pissed, or stoned
I was wearing a Barbarians rugby shirt, black and white hoops with the Barbarians emblem on the chest, as shown in the image

View attachment 5338
After the Village people had finished, the audience dispersed to the bar and one lad wearing a santa hat stopped right in front of me. I'm 6ft 4 and this lad was about 5ft 6
He looked at the shirt, then up at me, then back down at the shirt again and said "what's this?" whilst pushing his finger into my chest where the badge was
I said "Barbarians"
He said "what?"
I said "The Barbarians"
With a very puzzled look on his face he took a drag of his ciggy and then pronounced "I'm Man United" and sauntered off
Wifey looked at me and said "fucking dickhead"
Click to expand...
You're wife is right a Barbarians shirt at a xmas bash ;-)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Unread Posts

Don't have an account? Register now and see fewer ads!

SIGN UP
Back
Top