Examples of stupidity.

[Newman Noggs]

When I first started going out with my ex-wife she was trying to impress me by knowing City's score. One day I came in and said, "what score was City today?". She said "0-0". I said "very good. What was the score at half time ?". She said, "no idea, I only checked at the end"

 

[The Stockport Iniesta]

The Plumber told me a good story about the next-door neighbour. He'd fitted a brand new gas fire for them, one with the fake looking coals, and the thick fucker threw a load of rubbish into it to burn thinking it was a real coal fire. Needless to say the fire was a write-off.

 

[ShaunMCFC]

Watching City against Bournemouth 2/3 years ago in a bar in Greece (the game their left back scored that peach). I think we were the early kick off if I remember correctly, anyway the Mrs asked "are you gonna let everyone back home know the score with us being 2 hours ahead of them?"

Wasted a perfectly good beer spitting it all over myself. I'm still not convinced she knows how time works.

 

[mat]

 

[Sid C]

Wooshed to death mate.

:). I admit I did have to look that women up.
this was the early 70s and the bangle was solid gold.

 

[laserblue]

I was talking to a young woman at a bus stop in Romiley and suddenly she pointed to some tall trees on the other side of the road. Look, she said, "there is a monkey up that tree". Monkey, I said. What makes you think its a monkey. she said, "it had a bushy tail".

As bushy a tail as say a squirrel, I said. 8-)

Yes I married her.

My daughter once saw a big herring gull land on the flat roof outside her office window. Her manager (her manager mind) called out "Ooh look! There's a dodo!"

 

[KS55]

The leader of the free world, soon to be gone, said that the American rebels beat the British because they successfully seized the airports.

 

[Tuearts right boot]

The Plumber told me a good story about the next-door neighbour. He'd fitted a brand new gas fire for them, one with the fake looking coals, and the thick fucker threw a load of rubbish into it to burn thinking it was a real coal fire. Needless to say the fire was a write-off.

My mum did that, several times, granted she did have dementia.

 

[laserblue]

The first Mrs laser went to a pre-natal clinic where all the women were asked to bring a mid stream sample to the next clinic. The one next to her piped up "We haven't got stream near us". The staff explained to her what a mid stream sample was and she nodded.

At the next clinic she turned up with a 1 litre Corona glass bottle full of piss.

 

[big gaz]

About 25 years ago I went to a christmas gig at the GMEX, the first band being The Village People and as it was Christmas everyone was pretty pissed, or stoned
I was wearing a Barbarians rugby shirt, black and white hoops with the Barbarians emblem on the chest, as shown in the image

View attachment 5338
After the Village people had finished, the audience dispersed to the bar and one lad wearing a santa hat stopped right in front of me. I'm 6ft 4 and this lad was about 5ft 6
He looked at the shirt, then up at me, then back down at the shirt again and said "what's this?" whilst pushing his finger into my chest where the badge was
I said "Barbarians"
He said "what?"
I said "The Barbarians"
With a very puzzled look on his face he took a drag of his ciggy and then pronounced "I'm Man United" and sauntered off
Wifey looked at me and said "fucking dickhead"

You're wife is right a Barbarians shirt at a xmas bash ;-)