Farting

[Dalian Blue]

I can think of a number of ways to make a woman gag, dropping my guts in a lift isn't exactly top of the list

 

[stony]

My mrs is disabled so it's usually me that does all the shopping. In fact, when she does feel up to coming out, which is rare, I get a little pissed off because I've got this shopping lark down to a T.
I zoom around and I'm in and out, full weeks shopping in about half an hour. She tends to fanny around looking at everything and filling the trolley up with cleaning products that she'll never use and other assorted useless fucking junk. It takes forever, and my patience is wearing thin before we've even got past the fish counter.
Because she's on sticks she can't move that swiftly so I've taken to waiting for an opportune moment and then gliding past whilst dropping my guts as loudly as possible.
By the time everyone looks round, I've sloped off around the corner like a tubby ninja, leaving her to face the music. Knowing it was me, she always has a ready made guilty expression on her face and most times people assume incorrectly that it was her.
It's a good job she can't catch me and the bollocking I get later is worth it.

 

[Balti]

My mrs is disabled so it's usually me that does all the shopping. In fact, when she does feel up to coming out, which is rare, I get a little pissed off because I've got this shopping lark down to a T.
I zoom around and I'm in and out, full weeks shopping in about half an hour. She tends to fanny around looking at everything and filling the trolley up with cleaning products that she'll never use and other assorted useless fucking junk. It takes forever, and my patience is wearing thin before we've even got past the fish counter.
Because she's on sticks she can't move that swiftly so I've taken to waiting for an opportune moment and then gliding past whilst dropping my guts as loudly as possible.
By the time everyone looks round, I've sloped off around the corner like a tubby ninja, leaving her to face the music. Knowing it was me, she always has a ready made guilty expression on her face and most times people assume incorrectly that it was her.
It's a good job she can't catch me and the bollocking I get later is worth it.

what about in bed when you need to let it happen?

 

[stony]

My mrs is disabled so it's usually me that does all the shopping. In fact, when she does feel up to coming out, which is rare, I get a little pissed off because I've got this shopping lark down to a T.
I zoom around and I'm in and out, full weeks shopping in about half an hour. She tends to fanny around looking at everything and filling the trolley up with cleaning products that she'll never use and other assorted useless fucking junk. It takes forever, and my patience is wearing thin before we've even got past the fish counter.
Because she's on sticks she can't move that swiftly so I've taken to waiting for an opportune moment and then gliding past whilst dropping my guts as loudly as possible.
By the time everyone looks round, I've sloped off around the corner like a tubby ninja, leaving her to face the music. Knowing it was me, she always has a ready made guilty expression on her face and most times people assume incorrectly that it was her.
It's a good job she can't catch me and the bollocking I get later is worth it.

what about in bed when you need to let it happen?

You can't hold it in, its not healthy.

 

[Balti]

My mrs is disabled so it's usually me that does all the shopping. In fact, when she does feel up to coming out, which is rare, I get a little pissed off because I've got this shopping lark down to a T.
I zoom around and I'm in and out, full weeks shopping in about half an hour. She tends to fanny around looking at everything and filling the trolley up with cleaning products that she'll never use and other assorted useless fucking junk. It takes forever, and my patience is wearing thin before we've even got past the fish counter.
Because she's on sticks she can't move that swiftly so I've taken to waiting for an opportune moment and then gliding past whilst dropping my guts as loudly as possible.
By the time everyone looks round, I've sloped off around the corner like a tubby ninja, leaving her to face the music. Knowing it was me, she always has a ready made guilty expression on her face and most times people assume incorrectly that it was her.
It's a good job she can't catch me and the bollocking I get later is worth it.

what about in bed when you need to let it happen?

You can't hold it in, its not healthy.

dutch oven?

 

[TCIB]

My mrs is disabled so it's usually me that does all the shopping. In fact, when she does feel up to coming out, which is rare, I get a little pissed off because I've got this shopping lark down to a T.
I zoom around and I'm in and out, full weeks shopping in about half an hour. She tends to fanny around looking at everything and filling the trolley up with cleaning products that she'll never use and other assorted useless fucking junk. It takes forever, and my patience is wearing thin before we've even got past the fish counter.
Because she's on sticks she can't move that swiftly so I've taken to waiting for an opportune moment and then gliding past whilst dropping my guts as loudly as possible.
By the time everyone looks round, I've sloped off around the corner like a tubby ninja, leaving her to face the music. Knowing it was me, she always has a ready made guilty expression on her face and most times people assume incorrectly that it was her.
It's a good job she can't catch me and the bollocking I get later is worth it.

Dunno why but this bit did for me, fucking tubby ninja lol.

 

[Crouchinho]

My first time in a magistrates court, I was really nervous and couldn't help bit farther really loud. Don't think the judge was all that impressed

 

[Balti]

My first time in a magistrates court, I was really nervous and couldn't help bit farther really loud. Don't think the judge was all that impressed

did you follow through?

 

[Crouchinho]

My first time in a magistrates court, I was really nervous and couldn't help bit farther really loud. Don't think the judge was all that impressed

did you follow through?

Luckily I didn't! I was young and stupid (now I'm just old and stupid) and couldn't take the nerves. I went to the bog half hour before because I let out a few loud ones in the waiting room, I thought that would end it. I let out a few loud ones in school assembly to make everyone laugh but they weren't exactly embarrassing, more deliberate!

 

[StrangewaysHereWeCome]

From experience I can assure you if you want to attract women you only need to fart...