Farting

[mancity2012_eamo]

The mother in law is 86.
She farts all the time.
Every time she stands up.
Nobody bats an eyelid. One of the perks of being old I guess. Can’t wait to be able to let one go whenever I want.

 

[Barcon]

I have a top tip which you can take to the bank.

If you are feeling tummy ill and need to let one go. Do it near a baby or any toddler still in nappies.

Nobody will even bat an eyelid.

"Ohhh, Archie, think we'll have to take you to the baby change."

And they'll come back out later looking rather confused.

Just get a dog.

 

[KS55]

Did you know that farting is genetic. In order to support the gut bacteria that create gas, you must have a particular very common gene. Without it, no gas, no farts.

 

[Tuearts right boot]

Just get a dog.

One of ours farts everytime he jumps on the couch, the dog doesn't seem to understand but it still makes me laugh.

 

[blue44]

Anyone noticed the double standards concerning farting betweent the sexes?

If i have really bad guts at night and the bedroom stinks worse than chester zoo,the mrs gets angry and will push/nudge me a lot,even threaten to sleep downstairs or tell me to go sleep downstairs,yet.

If heaven forbid its her,she'll let em out silently and when it hits my nostrils and i say anything , " have you shit ". etc , she giggles and laughs,as if its OK.

 

[Indaparkside]

Bacon face goes one step further and shits him self apparently

 

[fanatic1]

My first time in a magistrates court, I was really nervous and couldn't help bit farther really loud. Don't think the judge was all that impressed

Sentence passed: Ten year's hard labour and transportation to the colonies.

 

[tommybooth]

Yep, in a lift when I thought everyone had got out. I'd been bottling it up since I entered the building. It seemed to take ages for every fucker to get off on their floors and when the last one left I let rip. A proper bowel ripper too. The sort of fart that goes on forever and changes pitch and tone midway through. It seemed like it was slowly fading, but coughed out a final defiant note that would have been worthy of congratulation in itself.
It was then I noticed I wasn't alone and there was a woman stood behind me with a look of utter horror, disgust and contempt all over her face.

You made her day!

 

[supercity88]

Was in Copenhagen airport waiting to board a flight back to Stansted with my wife, her mum and stepdad.

Got to the gate and a storm had come in so our flight was delayed. Everyone sat on the floor as there were no seats and they had started the process of boarding despite the delays! The mother in law goes to stand up and fails at the first attempt. We all start laughing as her knees are buckling and then, right in the face of another unsuspecting passenger she let out an almighty fart. As she was panicking at the same time it was one of those classic stop start numbers, singing its own tune into the random guys nostrils. It was sensational. Right in the poor fuckers face and she then not only had to deal with knowing he was following her in the queue, but as it zigzagged she had to make eye contact several times too.

 

[Tuearts right boot]

Myself and the previous wife were on one of the Greek Isles and visiting a monastery. We were following a very religious but large elderly woman dressed in a large black shawl, up some steep stone steps, about 100 or so. Every time she stepped up onto the next step she let one go, it was like a metronome in perfect sync, I was on the floor in fits of giggles whilst SWMBO looked daggers at me and reminded me through gritted teeth to grow up as I'll be like that one day. She was right !!!