Give us your best United jokes please!

Father Christmas, The Tooth Fairy, The Abominable Smowman and a Manyoo fan from Manchester all walking down the street. They all spot a £10 note on the the floor.

Q: Which one picks it up?

A: Nobody as none of the exist.
 
rooney walks into a pub with a pig under his arm.
'Where did you get that from'? asked the barman.
The pig replied 'I won it in a raffle'


fergusson goes to see his doctor with a toad growing out of his head.
'How did it start'? asked the doctor.
'With a boil on my arse' said the toad.

Old ones but I find 'em funny.
 
Bert Trautmann's Parachute said:
Copper walking past the theatre of Pics late at night, sees a bloke climbing out of one of the windows. "Hey, you!" shouts the copper, "Get back in!"
Click to expand...

that would be rio dodging his drug test. (allegedly he left the swamp via a toilet window on the day he 'forgot about' his test).
 
manchester united have opened up a new helpline for their fans who are worried about their form last season.

it's 0800 10 10 10

that's 0800 won nothing won nothing won nothing
 
When I heard we were playing United at Old Trafford on 23rd October last year, I didn't realise they meant the cricket ground.
 
Question: What has Wormwood Scrubs and Old Trafford at 4:55pm on a Saturday got in common?

Answer: They are both full of Cockneys trying to get out!!!!
 
United fans singing city's cracking up.

United fans celebrating arsenals winner against us in the bishops blaize and then singing Championees.

The look on phil jones face when he found out city had won it.

United not having 1 shot on target in the derby at eastlands.

United losing 6-1 at home in the derby.

Bet Fred paying out on united.

Losing an 8 point lead with 6 games to go.

These are all funny as fuck I would say. MCFC champions!
 
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