Give us your best United jokes please!

[Didsbury Dave]

Q-What's the difference between a Man United fan and a bucket of shit?

A-A bucket

Think it's time to turn the old Oxo one around, too:

Oxo are making a new stock cube. This one is red and white.

Laughing stock.

 

[ccr]

City fan, County fan and a rag out walking in the countryside. It starts to rain so they shelter in a pig sty. After 5 mins the City fan crawls out holding his nose. " 2 minutes later the county fan stumbles out saying he can't stand the smell. One minute later the pig exits.......

 

[Belly]

Why can't you get a brew at old trafford?
Because the mugs are on the pitch and all the cup's are in Liverpool.

Not the best but made me giggle in the 80's

 

[fat boy blue]

You are trapped in a cave with a rag & a man eating lion .you have a gun with 2 bullets ,what should you do ?








Shoot the rag Twice

 

[bell_mcfc]

Ask if they are looking forward to uniteds new documentary about last season; Gone in 60 seconds!

 

[Nixon_The_Bike_Thief]

Teacher down south asks a class of children who supports Utd, all the kids hands go up bar 1. Teacher asks the kid who he follows.
"City" says the kid.
"Why is that" asks teacher.
"Both my parents are City so I am too" says the kid.
"if both your parents were Morons would that mean you were a Moron too" asks teacher.
"No, then I'd be a rag !"

 

[samharris]

Give them their dues,Rags are very good at putting champagne corks back in the bottle.

 

[Moxley]

What do you do if you see a rag having a drink?

Slam the toilet seat on his head.

 

[The Kippaxkid]

Father Christmas, The Tooth Fairy, The Abominable Smowman and a Manyoo fan from Manchester all walking down the street. They all spot a £10 note on the the floor.

Q: Which one picks it up?

A: Nobody as none of the exist.

 

[Deleted member 14625]

He's got the hair from his arse crack
He's got the hair from his arse crack
He's got the hair from his arse crack
On his fucking head!