Hi to the Daily Mail

[Damocles]

I was more alluding to the fact that Samuel gets the exclusive at City, and around the same time becomes our biggest fan. The timing is more than suspect.

 

[Nicholas van Whatsisface]

Hi Daily Mail - here's a juicy exclusive for you - hot off the press - feel free to use it at will:

Everton exclusive – Moyes in split personality shocker!

In a disturbing and unsettling twist to Everton’s preparation for the new season, our sources can sensationally reveal that David Moyes is considering dispensing with his own services as Manager of the club just one game into the new season.

Moyes is said to be frustrated at his inability to motivate the team effectively for the big season opener against Arsenal at Goodison Park on Saturday. A club source stated “As everyone knows, David Moyes makes all the decisions at Everton – its his club and he’s the boss. He’s absolutely fuming about Saturday, and is beginning to question whether he’s the right person to take the team forward during this crucial season.”

After the 6-1 demolition, Moyes was heard absent-mindedly mumbling to no-one in particular “There was a manager sacked after one game when his team conceded seven. We’ve lost six, so I’m not immune to that”.

We understand that Moyes has scheduled a make or break crisis summit with himself for this afternoon, at which he is expecting to hear himself offer an explanation for Saturday’s humiliating drubbing. Furthermore, he will be looking to hear himself provide a clear, structured and impassioned strategy designed to achieve top 6 success for the season ahead.

Our source sensationally revealed that, if Moyes does not hear himself provide the right answers and display the requisite determination, he could be willing to dispense with his own services as early as this afternoon. Moyes is even understood to have gone as far as to have lined up a potential successor for the hotseat at Everton, the club he bought in March 2002 whilst Owner of Championship contenders Preston North End.

We can today sensationally reveal that Moyes has entered preliminary talks with himself to take over from himself as Everton head honcho should today’s meeting not provide the answers from himself that he himself is looking for.

Go get 'em!