“Get a grip” and “show some backbone” were responses to the story that a man split from his wife and turned to the bottom of a pint pot every night. THAT was when his life went downhill!
This is the part of your post that shows your misunderstanding of the situation at hand. You can choose to be sympathetic or you can choose to tell this (now dead) person to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, that's up to you, but you at least have to understand what you're responding to first.
Your sentiment appears to be "He turned to alcohol, that was when his life went downhill", which is fair enough. But you speak as though this person was only ever going to turn to alcohol and had a level of rational control over his circumstances. The point is that it just happened to be alcohol that filled the hole. The problem for this bloke wasn't the alcohol, the problem was the hole. If it wasn't alcohol then it would have been something else. Smoking, gambling, drugs, etc. The hole is loneliness, shame, a lack of purpose. Without purpose, without something to call their own and maintain, human beings turn to destructive vices.
This poor bloke, whoever he was, was dead the moment he ended up lonely. Loneliness is the hole, loneliness is the killer. It's great for you that you clearly don't have such a hole in your life but when there's fuck all to live for and nothing to ease the pain, you do whatever you can to get out of your own head for a while.