If you wanted to kill somebody and dispose of the body

[Ntini77]

Just dump them in the river, that's what I've been doing all these years.

 

[Skashion]

Easy, murder Gary Neville and dispose of him in Fergie's dustbin and walk away singing, "Fergie, grind him up. Fergie, Fergie, grind him up".

 

[DirtyEddie]

to be honest your best method is the simplest. bury the body in a big hole in the middle of nowhere. just check the local council website to make sure they arent going to start building a tescos right on top of the grave the following week. then you'd be fucked. to cover all your tracks set fire to your car make it look like arson and get the remains crushed or whatever they do.

 

[sheikys billions]

Here is what I would do. Get a roll of chicken wire which is 7ft wide and about 10ft long. Roll it all out and pit body at one end. Roll body and chicken wire up so it is all wrapped around the body. Tie several bricks to the outside of the chicken wire so it will not float. Get a boat (preferably arrange this before you do the crime) and drive out to sea. When your bot in sight of land or other ships, cast your human sausage roll overboard. The fish will fit through the chicken wire and eat the body. Go back home, wash hands, watch tv.

Crazy people on here but funny i guess,just dont do it for fuck sake!!!

 

[rickmcfc]

Here is what I would do. Get a roll of chicken wire which is 7ft wide and about 10ft long. Roll it all out and pit body at one end. Roll body and chicken wire up so it is all wrapped around the body. Tie several bricks to the outside of the chicken wire so it will not float. Get a boat (preferably arrange this before you do the crime) and drive out to sea. When your bot in sight of land or other ships, cast your human sausage roll overboard. The fish will fit through the chicken wire and eat the body. Go back home, wash hands, watch tv.

Crazy people on here but funny i guess,just dont do it for fuck sake!!!

You could have told me this a bit earlier. you wont tell anyone will you?

 

[Swales lives]

There was a similar thread a while back on this, some really worrying indepth shit, but funny:

<a class="postlink-local" href="http://forums.bluemoon-mcfc.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=189914&hilit=help" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">viewtopic.php?f=5&t=189914&hilit=help</a>

 

[waspish]

Desolve them then flush em down the loo! Simple!

 

[Swales lives]

This is a quote from Crizack, not seen him on here for a while.

depends what corpse really, if it's a hamster...just shove it in a shoebox and dig a 1 foot by 1 foot grave for the furry bastard.

a human would be different. you wouldnt drain the blood down your own taps...that'd be stupid. dna will be left over. the average human has 8 pints of blood. so what i would do is cover my kitchen floor in plastic film or lino, put 3 bin bags over the head, hang the body from the worktop head down, make a deep slice into the neck and drain the blood. the bin bags will hold 8 litres without dripping. once the body seems drained, leave it another 10 mins to make sure.

carefully remove the bin bags and lay the body on the floor. pour a 2 litre bottle of bleach into the bin bag. blood is ever so slighty acidic so any strong alkaline (bleach) added will confuse the dna structure.

i'd burn the finger and toe nails to a crisp, yank the teeth out with pliers and would wax ALL the hair of the body (hair will continue to grow for a few weeks after a person dies so you want as little hair as possible for as long as possible)

if the person has tattoos, dismember that part of the body and remove as much identity as possible, same goes for piercings or other modifications. i would roll the body in the plastic you put on the floor first and then...in the dead of night...having previously kitted out my car boot with bin liners, put in the body with the head upwards to avoid any dripping blood. i would tightly and securely fasten the bin bag of blood and bleach and put it on my passenger seat floor (on top of a few cushions)

this is where it gets tricky. you have to make sure you know where you are going is not covered by cctv, so no inner city areas or industrial estates. earlier in the morning i would of hired a hire car but this be used as a decoy, i will be using my own car for the transportation of the corpse. i would drive to the yorkshire moors, find a drain on a country lane, and empty the bin bag of blood in it (you wouldnt dump the whole bag in it, cos it may overflood sometime.


all this time i would be dressed in paint sprayer overalls with non latex gloves, cling film over my socks and legs and then over my shoes once my feet are in them. i would then drive to the most remote part i could possibly think of and dispose of the body in the undergrowth way away from the roads. i would then drive to blackpool, burn the bin bags and may clothes in a field on the way, make a card transaction in blackpool and then return home before dawn. i would completely cover my kitchen in bleach and leave to soak throughout the day and then take my hire car (which i hadn't used) to the hire shop 2 days later (hired it for three days), go drinking and then return home in the early hours the next morning.

if it ever came to me being questioned. i went for a bus ride to blackpool because i could feel the clutch on my own car going and so hired a new one because i wanted to go to blackpool. i then realised i didnt want to drive as i was tired so i got the bus instead. i had the hire car for three days so i wasnt bothered about losing 1 days driving on it. i got home from blackpool the day after and went driving in my hire car.

is this too long an answer to the op?

 

[gazhinio]

I work in the waste managent industry and reckon I could easily get rid of a body no problemo!
My fee is £5000...however Im doing a bluemoon special
at the moment for £2995!
Anyone?

 

[sheikys billions]

I work in the waste managent industry and reckon I could easily get rid of a body no problemo!
My fee is £5000...however Im doing a bluemoon special
at the moment for £2995!
Anyone?

Is there a further discount if its sir purple nose?