Is life better with or without kids?

[TangerineSteve17]

What constitutes a 'complete' life, though? When someone passes away and the family meet with the officiant to discuss the eulogy, do we want to be someone who fits in with the norm, or someone who really has lived a full life?

Experience I would have thought.

Everyone is different. I have no judgement whatsoever of someone who doesn't want to reproduce. In fact, me being the complete fuck up I am, it might've been better if I didn't have any kids.

It's an interesting debate, and one definitely assisted by the imbibing of vast quantities of malt whisky...

I go through periods where I feel that I am absolutely worthless on this planet, that I have no use to anyone. This is despite me having a real purpose to many. (At the end of the day, it's all a matter of self-belief.) Would I feel as if I had a purpose if I had children who were dependent on my feeding them, changing them, providing for them, paying them, etc? Is this one of the reasons why some people have children - to give themselves a purpose?

(Time for bed, I'm afraid. Not stirring, just enjoying a good discussion.)

When I lived with my kids, I too felt a purpose, I was a better person. I had kids because I had love to give to something that was mine/their mum's. They're young but they're my best friends, and I'd do anything for them. I've had periods without them over the last 2 years, months and months sometimes, and this is when I'm at my lowest. Like you have felt, worthless/pointless existence.

The old 'impending doom' feeling comes and I just numb it with alcohol.

It is a good discussion. I imagine people have kids for varying reasons. Or don't have kids for varying reasons.

 

[Bill Walker]

if you've never had kids you will never comprehend or understand the bond that a parent has with their children

this absolutely overrides ANY and I do mean ANY possible negative angle that a non-parent could present as a reason not to have kids

unless theyre gay or sterile

 

[another generation]

if you've never had kids you will never comprehend or understand the bond that a parent has with their children

this absolutely overrides ANY and I do mean ANY possible negative angle that a non-parent could present as a reason not to have kids

unless theyre gay or sterile

Who? The kids or the parents?

 

[aguero93:20]

if you've never had kids you will never comprehend or understand the bond that a parent has with their children

this absolutely overrides ANY and I do mean ANY possible negative angle that a non-parent could present as a reason not to have kids

unless theyre gay or sterile

I think gays and steriles should be allowed to have kids.

 

[another generation]

I think gays and steriles should be allowed to have kids.

Together?

 

[BlueHammer85]

Have you no rights mate? How many years did you raise him or her for?

Raised my ex girlfriends baby girl pretty much from birth for 3 and half years - the kid isn't mine.

She's now met another fella and moved away - it was my choice to cut all ties as it won't work. She has a new guy in her life and her real dad has come back on the scene. Don't want anymore hurt to be honest, and it's to confusing for the kid ,Toughest choice I've made and one that kills me every day but did it for the little ones sake.

Wow that is tough! Maybe you are young enough to have your own again one day? Or you could get in touch in a few years? Via letter at first or maybe via social media? good luck fella.

Cheers Worsley. I'm 29 so hopefully meet someone and move on with kids of my own, and yeh I would love to see her again perhaps when she's older and totally forgotten who I am.

 

[worsleyweb]

Raised my ex girlfriends baby girl pretty much from birth for 3 and half years - the kid isn't mine.

She's now met another fella and moved away - it was my choice to cut all ties as it won't work. She has a new guy in her life and her real dad has come back on the scene. Don't want anymore hurt to be honest, and it's to confusing for the kid ,Toughest choice I've made and one that kills me every day but did it for the little ones sake.

Wow that is tough! Maybe you are young enough to have your own again one day? Or you could get in touch in a few years? Via letter at first or maybe via social media? good luck fella.

Cheers Worsley. I'm 29 so hopefully meet someone and move on with kids of my own, and yeh I would love to see her again perhaps when she's older and totally forgotten who I am.

Bags of time mate - you will make a great dad by the sound of it. This kid will grow up one day and you can make contact if you want or just know you helped him or her for part of his life.

 

[Dicko69]

I think the op 's question has been answered by the fact no one with kids has posted saying life is better without. They are the people who have lived with and without.
Sure since I had my kid last year Ive barely made it to the pub and I can count on 1 hand how many times my x box has been turned on but it's absolutely awesome being a dad. I do miss my own time that I just don't seem to get any more, but I think definately better with

 

[EalingBlue2]

Raised my ex girlfriends baby girl pretty much from birth for 3 and half years - the kid isn't mine.

She's now met another fella and moved away - it was my choice to cut all ties as it won't work. She has a new guy in her life and her real dad has come back on the scene. Don't want anymore hurt to be honest, and it's to confusing for the kid ,Toughest choice I've made and one that kills me every day but did it for the little ones sake.

Wow that is tough! Maybe you are young enough to have your own again one day? Or you could get in touch in a few years? Via letter at first or maybe via social media? good luck fella.

Cheers Worsley. I'm 29 so hopefully meet someone and move on with kids of my own, and yeh I would love to see her again perhaps when she's older and totally forgotten who I am.

Good luck fella! You have plenty of time and the fact you had the maturity to put a child ahead of yourself shows you have by far the most important characteristic to be a great parent! I can't imagine having to make such a hard call and only hope had I ever have had to I could have done the right thing.

To be honest I miss my kids a tonne when I go away for a few days for work , being forced to stay away must be gut wrenching.

As to life there are many people who are desperate to have kids and can't and even more who have them and don't deserve them - there is no right and wrong it's an individual thing. I though i was sorted before kids and would manage without them but now look back and think what was I thinking. But I do have friends who seem to spend their lives trying to find ways to not spend time with their kids and I sometimes wonder whether they are happier with kids or not (not that the would ever admit it)

 

[stony]

I think the op 's question has been answered by the fact no one with kids has posted saying life is better without. They are the people who have lived with and without.
Sure since I had my kid last year Ive barely made it to the pub and I can count on 1 hand how many times my x box has been turned on but it's absolutely awesome being a dad. I do miss my own time that I just don't seem to get any more, but I think definately better with

It's better being a grandparent. You get all the good bits but without the bills or the sleepless nights.