Is Nigel De Jong Man City's Chuck Norris?

Ghosts are actually caused by Nigel DeJong killing people faster than
Death can process them.
 
Nigel DeJong' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no
one fools Nigel DeJong.
 
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Nigel DeJong could use
to kill you, including the room itself.
 
The square root of Nigel DeJong is pain. Do not try to square Nigel
DeJong, the result is death.
 
Nigel DeJong does not know where you live, but he knows where you will
die.
 
When you say 'no one's perfect', Nigel DeJong takes this as a personal
insult.
 
When Nigel DeJong looks in a mirror the mirror shatters,
because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between
Nigel DeJong and Nigel DeJong.
 
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