i've got a stalker

[dronefromsector7G]

It's quite normal to forget people we have known.

Some guy came up to me in Maine Road once and was quite upset that I didn't know the fuck he was. He swore we had worked together. Maybe, but I have worked with many people and my memory is shite.

Maybe you were at school together. Or maybe you have a double and she is mixing you up with someone.

I think he bummed her and gave her cat AIDS

 

[Deleted member 13905]

Follow her home, smash her back doors in and torch the place.

she says she lives behind aldi in milnrow,
in some sort of place they all can only access overnight.
so she spends a lot of time on trams for something to do.

she always seems to be eating out of a tupperware tub,
but with a proper metal spoon or fork,
cold shit like tomato pasta and that.

 

[ray21]

Is she like the She-Devil

 

[Mr Kobayashi]

she says she lives behind aldi in milnrow,
in some sort of place they all can only access overnight.
so she spends a lot of time on trams for something to do.

she always seems to be eating out of a tupperware tub,
but with a proper metal spoon or fork,
cold shit like tomato pasta and that.

So she's a tramp? Can't you give her a new home?

 

[Tuearts right boot]

Enjoy it while you can. I speak from experience.

 

[manimanc]

Do you have a rabbit?

Hide it if you can.

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

she says she lives behind aldi in milnrow,
in some sort of place they all can only access overnight.
so she spends a lot of time on trams for something to do.

she always seems to be eating out of a tupperware tub,
but with a proper metal spoon or fork,
cold shit like tomato pasta and that.

Is her favourite film Misery?

 

[Marklr]

that's not a euphemism for an erection.

she claims to know me from our childhood.
some of the things she says are very accurate,
but i swear i cannot remember her at all.

more and more i keep bumping into her.
only on the tram, mind.
nowhere else,
just on the tram.

at first i joked to myself that she is following me.
but today and yesterday i got onto a tram that she was already on.
how can that be!?
can you stalk somebody in advance?

and she's so loud.
one of those people who shout the conversation,
so everyone around can hear.
it's really embarrassing.

before you ask,
no, she's not even remotely fit,
she has a hairy blonde face wart thing on her top lip.


i suppose i'm just asking for advice.
what do you do in a situation like this?
have you ever been stalked or been a stalker?

They're crap lyrics. They don't even rhyme.

 

[Deleted member 13905]

when i boarded the tram today,
all i heard was this enormous shout...
"CALUM!!!"

i did that thing when you momentarily close your eyes,
quickly gather your thoughts,
open them and pretend to smile,
then walked towards her, ready for the onslaught.

she was sat in the middle of those 3 sideways seats,
the ones opposite the wheelchair/pram bit.
people sat either side of her...

VERY LOUD...
you used to be good-looking, calum.
he's got dreadlocks under that hat, you know.
i thought you'd have been a business man with 2 kids.

i got off immediately at the next stop.
it wasn't where i was going to but i was happy to wait for the next one.

i think i fucked up.
i was uncomfortable,
i was just trying to be nice even though i didn't want to be,
the departing conversation went like this...

me (fuck knows why): grow your hair, it would suit you better.
her: oh thank you calum, thank you, i will.

 

[Deleted member 13905]

She shouts and is loud?
Can't stand that. Push her off the tram.

she has one of those things that used to be called zimmer,
but nowadays they are much more funky,
wheels and everything,
much more sturdy.