Joke of the day

sweynforkbeard said:
ColinBellsjockstrap said:
Irish Furniture Dealer.

Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.

After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine. As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.

Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table; asked him something in French (which Murphy couldn't understand); so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language. After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her.

After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded.. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.

Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.
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In the version I heard the girl drew a picture of an exquisite Louis XVI commode.
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Why ? , a very beautiful young Parisian girl needing a dump isn't funny
 
I've let the local kids shave my hair off for charity.


It was a bit embarrassing at first but then again....
...
...it does make my cock look bigger! :-D
 
What's the difference between Pubic Hair and Salad?













Fuck all, You just push it to one side and keep on eating!
 
A woman wakes up after having a vaginal tuck, to find three bunches of flowers on the windowsill. One bunch from her surgeon to say ''All went well,''one from her husband to say, ''Get well soon, I love you!''
And one from Tommy in the burns unit to say, ''Thanks for the new ears!''
 
My Grandad moved into an old folks home last week so yesterday i rang up to find out how he's going on, the matron said he's a bit like a fish out of water,I said he's having trouble fitting in then.No he's dead.
 
i kne albert davy said:
My Grandad moved into an old folks home last week so yesterday i rang up to find out how he's going on, the matron said he's a bit like a fish out of water,I said he's having trouble fitting in then.No he's dead.
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Lee Mack is king.
 
Joycee Banercheck said:
i kne albert davy said:
My Grandad moved into an old folks home last week so yesterday i rang up to find out how he's going on, the matron said he's a bit like a fish out of water,I said he's having trouble fitting in then.No he's dead.
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Lee Mack is king.
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Well they say small things please small minds.......

















been pissing myself laughing for 10mins.
 
haller said:
MCFC Bob was that ugly as a kid, his mother fed him with a catapult
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And he's so fat , every time he turns around it's his birthday lol.
 
My son fell asleep at a recent house party we had, so I decided to shave his eyebrows off and draw a cock on his face.

My wife went mental when she picked him up to breast feed him.
 
What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?

One walked on the moon............................. And the other one fucked kids.



Think I've posted that before though.
 
Whats the difference between cirque du soleil and Malibu beach

Ones full of cunning stunts
the other has sand on it
 
What is a chav's favourite ice cream flavour? Mint
What do you call a chav in a filing cabinet? Sorted
What do you call a chav in a suitcase? Innit

Two chav's on top of a cliff decide to have a race to the bottom of the drop. Who wins? Society.
 
What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?

They can both smell it but can't eat it.
 
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