Joke thread

[Sid C]

Talking of Christmas presents.
I gave my mate an Elephant for his room.
He said, “Thanks”
I said, “Don’t mention it.”

 

[Sheriff Fatman]

I love this time of year.

You can slam your laptop shut when your missus walks into the room and you don't get any disgusted looks.

 

[knuckles]

Just in case we have any snowflakes on the forum!

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

I know it’s page 1015, but fuck me, that’s shit!

That’s even worse than….

Why is Santa afraid of getting stuck in the chimney?

He has Claus-trophobia!

Right, I’m going to try and beat that.

200 minutes free talktime and 500 free texts a month I get.

A contract with Yodafone I have.

 

[ChicagoBlue]

Right, I’m going to try and beat that.

200 minutes free talktime and 500 free texts a month I get.

A contract with Yodafone I have.

Definitely in the running! ;-)
Parochial appeal and understanding harms the joke for the international audience.

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

Definitely in the running! ;-)
Parochial appeal and understanding harms the joke for the international audience.

What’s Whitney Houston’s favourite type of coordination?

Haaaaaaand Eyeeeeeeee

 

[ChicagoBlue]

Right, I’m going to try and beat that.

200 minutes free talktime and 500 free texts a month I get.

A contract with Yodafone I have.

If we are doing kids jokes, I’ll try to keep it topical…

A gingerbread man went to the doctor’s office.
“Doc, my knee is killing me!”

The doctor has a quick look and asks him,
“Have you tried icing it?”

 

[ChicagoBlue]

What’s Whitney Houston’s favourite type of coordination?

Haaaaaaand Eyeeeeeeee

Where would you find an Irish Christmas tree?

Between a Christmas two and a Christmas four.

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

Where would you find an Irish Christmas tree?

Between a Christmas two and a Christmas four.

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.

That’s just how I roll.

 

[ChicagoBlue]

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.

That’s just how I roll.

A Yank joke for ya…

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?

Pilgrims.