Joke thread

[Alan Harper's Tash]

I went to the zoo the other day.

There was only a dog in it - it was a Shihtzu.

Opened your crackers early?

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

 

[CALCIO POTATO]

If you are wondering what type of aftershave to buy this Christmas, try Domestic by Giggsy - just slap it on

 

[manchester blue]

Opened your crackers early?

Early 2000s.

 

[Vic]

My sexy Chinese neighbour told me earlier that she was desperate for a roger.

It was only when I had my trousers around my ankles and my cock out, that I realised she wanted to rent her spare room out..

Did you really need to explain it? Anyway it's the Japanese who struggle to pronounce L not the Chinese who (some) don't easily do R.

 

[BackofJeanette]

A lady walked into a Police Station and the desk Sergeant said “Can I help
You?”
“Yes” she said, “I’d like to report a case of sexual assault”.
“Where did it happen?” the Sergeant asked.
“In the park just down the road” she replied.
“Can you describe what happened?”
“Yes, I was walking along the footpath in the park near the trees when a man
Jumped out of the bushes and dragged me in there,
Removed my underwear then he dropped his pants to his knees and had his way
With me”.
“Could you give me a description of him?”
“Yes, he was wearing white shoes, long white trousers, a white shirt and he
Had these two big long pads from his feet up to and over his knees, one on
Each leg”.
“Sounds to me like he was a cricketer, most probably a batsman”, said the
Sergeant.
“Yes”, said the lady, “He was an England Cricketer”.
“That’s very observant”, said the Sergeant, “You worked that out from his
Accent?”
“No”, she replied. “I worked it out because he wasn’t in for very long”.

 

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