Joke thread

[bluemoon32]

 

[sir baconface]

 

[sir baconface]

 

[BELLENDER]

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.
When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well, "he explained, "the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zip on his trousers. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"
"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 per cent."
I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"
"Well," he whispered, "I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon."

 

[CALCIO POTATO]

I was taking a leisurely stroll when Greta Thunberg stormed up to me and demanded to know if I'd walked across her lawn, i responded that i was unaware that i had and she said that you should be more aware of your garden footprint

 

[manchester blue]

I was taking a leisurely stroll when Greta Thunberg stormed up to me and demanded to know if I'd walked across her lawn, i responded that i was unaware that i had and she said that you should be more aware of your garden footprint

I laughed at this but only at how fucking shit it is! :)

 

[NZBlue]

 

[lefty goldblatt]

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]