Joke thread

[sir baconface]

 

[sir baconface]

Introducing a new group from Liverpool…

 

[ray21]

.

 

[Kinkybyname]

remember when jokes were funny... all the pearl-clutchers can fkn do one

 

[ray21]

 

[sir baconface]

remember when jokes were funny... all the pearl-clutchers can fkn do one

Top sentiments and top video, mate.

 

[jimharri]

remember when jokes were funny... all the pearl-clutchers can fkn do one

I'm guessing that the "I hadn't turned the telly on" gag would have had quite a few BMers shifting uneasily on their sofas.

Anyway; moving swiftly on!


Thanks for posting that, by the way.

 

[Ourman]

A young couple has a car crash before they are married but they arrived together at the pearly gates.
St Peter greets them but they stop him and say "We didn't get the chance to get married before we died is it possible for us to be married in heaven?"
St Peter says "That's the first time I've been asked that, let me go and find out." And off he goes.
The young couple wait, and wait, three months go past and in that time the couple talk about the commitment of being married in heaven, eternity seems such a long time, as these three months have been quite long.
Finally St Peter arrives back and says " Yes you can get married here in heaven!"
The young couple then ask "If things don't work out, is it possible to get divorced here as well?
St Peter says " Piss off ! It took me three months to find a priest how long do you think it'll take me to find a lawyer! "

 

[sir baconface]

I'm guessing that the "I hadn't turned the telly on" gag would have had quite a few BMers shifting uneasily on their sofas.

Anyway; moving swiftly on!


Thanks for posting that, by the way.

I’m outraged at such a suggestion… on behalf of other Bluemooners, you understand.

 

[Blue Mist]

View attachment 121744

One from the archives.
I miss them so much, it's just not fair.

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Tuearts right boot]

View attachment 122297

Made my day that

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

 

[Hertzblue]

 

[hammocity]

A young guy starts his first Saturday job. His boss asks "Do you know what up selling is?" "No" the boy replies

"Watch this" says the boss as a customer approaches

"Hello, I'd like to buy a new razor please" "Certainly sir, would you like some spare blades to save you a trip next time?"
"That'd be great thanks"

The boss finishes the sale and turns to the boy, "Did you see what I did there?"

"Yep, totally get it" replies the boy

Another customer appears... "Hello, I'd like a pack of tampons please"

"Certainly sir, would you like a lawnmower to go with that?"

"Why on earth would I need a lawnmower?" said the customer.

Well, it would appear your weekend is fucked so you may as well cut the grass!"

Same lad, goes into a Chippy and says to the owner:

"Fucking fish, bastard chips, twating mushy peas, you ****"

Owner says " I'm sorry I can't serve you with that attitude, get this side of the counter and I'll demonstrate how you should behave"

"Good evening young man, could I please have Fish, Chips and mushy peas?"

Young lad

"Fuck off you snipe nosed bastard, you wouldn't serve me".

 

[RadcliffeRick]

Same lad, goes into a Chippy and says to the owner:

"Fucking fish, bastard chips, twating mushy peas, you ****"

Owner says " I'm sorry I can't serve you with that attitude, get this side of the counter and I'll demonstrate how you should behave"

"Good evening young man, could I please have Fish, Chips and mushy peas?"

Young lad

"Fuck off you snipe nosed bastard, you wouldn't serve me".

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

 

[bonespost]